


What the heart wants

by Akilice (Aki_lice)



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Violentine, all these kids care so much about each other, romance violet but save louis route
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-10-13 12:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17487995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aki_lice/pseuds/Akilice
Summary: Everyone escaped the boat safely, except for Clementine.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so since I'm still new to these characters, I'm not sure if this is good or not so please let me know how to improve. This is going to be multi chaptered but I can't promise the updates will be fast or regular. I hope you enjoy.

The past few days, and especially the past few hours, have been a blur to Violet. She was captured by the raiders, and she saw Minerva again.

She wasn’t sure what happened after, she couldn’t remember the words she said to her. She couldn’t even remember what happened when her friends came to rescue her, Aasim and Omar, but there was one thing that rang in her mind.

“ _ Some feelings you had for me. _ ”

Her own voice, was clear as tonight’s sky.

She didn’t know how or why, but she managed to carry Minnie out the boat, following Louis and the boys.

“ _ I’ll stop you myself, and don’t think I won’t. _ ”

The look of hurt in Clementine’s eyes, was the first thing she thought of when she saw the boat blow up. That explosion was what made her snap out of it.

Clementine and AJ… were still on the boat.

“Holy shit.” Minerva shook her head, waking up to see the fire. “What the fuck did they do?!”

“No…” Violet whispered, slowly walking towards the river. “No, no, no!” She shook her head, her voice growing louder as she tried to run to the boat, but Louis caught her, stopping her from going there. “Let me go! Let me fucking go!”

She couldn’t hear what he was saying. All she did was struggle and try to go into the fire, to find them.

“Look! I see someone!” Aasim said, and watched as two figures approached them.

Violet stopped fighting, and watched as Tenn and AJ swam towards them. Aasim and Omar ran towards them, helping them out of the water.

“Where’s Clem?” Aasim asked, helping AJ out.

“She’s…” The boy tried to catch his breath, and turned to look for his guardian. “She’s… she’s hurt. James was behind us, he’s… there he is!” He pointed at James, who was swimming towards them, holding a barely conscious Clementine.

Louis’s grip loosened, and Violet escaped, running towards the stranger. She watched as he carried Clementine to safety, and Louis ran to take her from him.

Violet felt her heart sink when she noticed something sharp, piercing her side.

She couldn’t speak, so Louis did it for her.

“What happened?” He asked, fearful for his friend’s life. He held her closer, noticing how she was shivering.

“She- she protected me when the boat blew up.” AJ stared at her, worried.

“AJ?” Clementine whispered. She could barely open her eyes, and her hand moved, looking for his. He immediately took it, holding it as tight as he could, without hurting her. “You’re okay…” She said in relief.

“Hang in there Clem, we’re taking you home.” Louis reassured her, but his voice broke.

“Louis… did everyone make it out?” He nodded, giving her a forced smile. “Vi…? She refused to...”

“I’m here, Clem!” Violet said, forgetting all of her anger for a moment. Clementine tried to look at her, but her eyes remained unfocused.

“I’m sorry.” She said, before passing out.

“Fuck. We have to do something.” Aasim said, wincing at the injury.

“We need to go back. This explosion will bring too many walkers.” Omar stated.

“She might not make it that long.” Louis argued.

“Minnie?” Tenn, who has been worried about his friend, finally noticed Minerva, who was trying to walk away. “Is that really you?”

“Tenn, I…” She turned to her brother, but couldn’t stare him into the eyes. “I have to go.”

“No, you don’t.” He said, reaching for her hand. “I forgive you. We all want you back. It’s over, so let’s go home now.”

“No, Tenn… I…” She let out a shaky breath. “I killed Sofie.”

“What?” He stared at her in disbelief, and shook his head. “That’s not true… Minnie, tell me that’s not true!” He kept shaking his head, tears starting to blur his vision.

Minerva couldn’t do it. She couldn’t stay any longer. She turned and started sprinting, away from her brother, away from her friends…

They were too focused on their leader, to notice her.

Violet was too focused on Clementine, to even look her way.

So she kept running, knowing that she no longer had a place she belongs to.

Her friends left, going to the place they call home, the place she no longer had.

Violet and AJ followed closely, keeping an eye on her, scared that the moment they would look away, she would stop breathing.

When they got to the school, Ruby was freaking out over the state her friend was in. Louis carried her to her room, and placed her on the bed as Willy ran to bring a kit.

“Oh my God, Clem…” Ruby shook her head, fighting back tears. She looked at the others. “I need help getting… that out of her.”

They all looked at each other, and Violet was about to suggest helping, but James beat her to it.

Louis put a hand on her shoulder, and made her leave the room when Willy came back.

AJ was the only one inside with Ruby and James. They couldn’t ask him to leave her side. She was the most important person in his life, if he were to lose her…

They all hoped that wouldn’t be the case. None of them wanted to lose her, not after everything they’ve been through together, not after she protected them.

“Is she going to make it?” Violet asked, crossing her arms, and trying not to think of that possibility. “I… Louis I… what the fuck did I do?” He glared at her.

“Yes, what the  _ fuck _ did you do? Clementine, worked her ass off so that she could come and rescue you!” He said, and his words made her flinch. “You know who she was worried about the most? YOU! And you attacked her!”

“I know! I fucking know that, okay?!” Violet yelled back. “Do you know how it feels to be left behind so many times? So many times that you don’t want to open up to people anymore?!”

“I know! I know that! I know you’re hurt!” He shook his head, gritting his teeth. “Clem had to make a split second choice! She would have saved you if she could! Or did you want them to take me?”

“Of course I didn’t! What the fuck, Louis?! I… I opened up to her, and I defend her every time because I thought she was worth believing in… And she didn’t save me. I…” She hugged herself. “It’s a cruel reminder, of  _ everything _ .”

Louis looked at her for a moment, knowing that her trauma was what led her to feeling this hurt, but he still needed her to see clearer.

“If you were in her shoes, if you had to choose between me and her, would you be able to make that decision?” He asked, and she looked at him in surprise, before lowering her head.

That was when they heard an agonizing scream from inside. James was holding Clementine down as Ruby tried to pull the sharp object out of her. AJ desperately watched, not knowing what to do. He couldn’t look away, how could he when the person he loved the most was in so much pain?

Violet turned to Louis, who wore a pained expression as well. They wanted to go inside, but what good could they do?

The blonde covered her face as she teared up. He could only hug her and let her cry on his shoulder, as they waited for the cries to die out.

It felt like forever, but Ruby was finally done, and everyone came to check on her.

“Is she going to be okay?” Louis asked, and stared at Clem with worry.

“I… I don’t know. All we can do is wait.” She said, letting out a deep sigh.

Everyone was silent. They were tired of losing people, of losing friends.

“I…” James broke the silence, feeling out of place. “I should get going.”

“You don’t have to. We have spare beds, and it’s dangerous to go at night.” The musician said, and the ex whisperer turned to AJ.

“Yeah, I’d like it if you stayed.” The kid said, lacking his usual enthusiasm. “You should stay, at least until Clem wakes up.”

_ “If, she wakes up.” _ They all thought.

He looked at them reculantly, before nodding.

He walked away with the others, leaving only Louis, Violet, and Alvin Junior, in the room.

“Violet, Louis?” He asked, holding his surrogate sister’s hand. “Is Clem going to die?” The two glanced at each other, not sure what to say. “I’m scared. I can’t live without her with me. She’s all I have.”

“Of course not.” Louis mastered up enough courage to speak. “She’s tough as nails! She’s the toughest person we all know! She’ll make it!” He smiled at him, and what started as a forced smile grew into a genuine one when AJ’s eyes lit up.

“I’m going to check the school, make sure no raiders or walkers followed us.” He said, before leaving. Patrolling was the best way for him to distract himself.

Violet’s eyes moved to Clementine, and she stood right next to her bed, staring at the bandages, and the blood on her clothes.

She didn’t think back to when the raiders took her. She thought of when the two were staring at the sky, when Clementine kissed her.

“Clem, you better not die. Don’t you fucking die, okay?” She said, knowing that she couldn’t hear her. She held her hand, and her voice broke with every word, and she barely sounded like herself anymore. “You’re going to wake up and get better. You’re stronger than all of us… I love you so don’t you  _ dare _ leave me. Don’t even think about it.”

She wiped her tears, then her eyes widened, as she realized what she said. She turned to Louis, who was just as shocked.

“Vi? Did you just…”

“Oh no… no, I did  _ not  _ fucking say that!” She pulled away, desperately looking between them. “Please tell me I didn’t say that…” She whispered, knowing full well that he couldn’t reassure her.

Louis looked down.

Violet was in love with the girl who broke her heart. She was in love with the girl who was now lying in bed, and possibly dying.

Violet was in love, and it was the one thing she feared the most.

For once, he couldn’t joke to lift the mood, or to cope.

He could only hold his friend in his arms, as she broke down, grasping into his sleeves and crying.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support! I didn't expect to get so much! I hope this chapter lives up to what you've been waiting for!  
> If anyone wants to follow me on tumblr or see previews of what i'm writing, here it is: http://akilice.tumblr.com/

Violet was exhausted. She hasn’t slept that much, and she was sure that Louis hasn’t slept either. He was worried sick.

She spent the night crying on his shoulder, just like she did so many times when she thought Minerva was dead. He was always there for her, whenever she needed him.

When she woke up, she was in her bed, covered with a few blankets.

She smiled, knowing that he must have carried her all the way to her room.

She sighed, thinking back to last night.

She was in love with Clementine.

Falling in love in a zombie apocalypse was the dumbest thing one could do. She learned that the hard way with Minerva. One day, you have someone you love beside you, the next they’re either bitten or killed.

Not to mention that she wasn’t feeling too great about being taken by the raiders. She could only think back to her grandmother as she pulled the trigger, to her parents who gave up on her, to her girlfriend who was taken away and brainwashed to the point where she killed  _ her own sister _ .

...To Clementine who didn’t save her when she needed her the most.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, before leaving the bed.

She walked to Clem and Aj’s room, wanting to check on them first. She knocked, before opening the door to find a tired AJ watching over the injured girl.

Violet frowned, knowing that he probably stayed up the whole night.

“Hey Vi.” He said, yawning. He kept his gaze on his surrogate mother.

“Hey.” She said, softly. She looked at Clem, who was grimacing in her sleep. It was weird seeing her without the hat. Did she lose it during the explosion? “Come on, it’s time for breakfast.”

“You go. I can’t leave her.”

“AJ, she’s not going anywhere, and you can’t do anything on an empty stomach-”

“Don’t…” They were both startled by Clem’s voice. She was whispering something in her sleep. “Don’t leave me…”

They both glanced at each other, then at her, hoping that maybe this meant she would wake up soon.

“Lee…”

AJ frowned, before putting a cold cloth on her head. Violet noticed a small bucket of water next to him. She figured that she was battling a fever.

The blonde recalled the name. It was mentioned during their first game, before everything went downhill.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sound that wasn’t coming from Clementine this time.

“AJ…”

“That… that wasn’t me.”

“AJ your stomach is growling.”

“No it’s not!”

Violet raised her eyebrow at the embarrassed boy.

“...Fine, but I’ll eat quick.” He said, defeated. He looked at Clementine one last time before running out the room.

Violet shook her head in amusement. He’s still a kid after all.

She turned to the unconscious girl, and stared at her for the longest time, before sitting on the chair beside the bed.

“I miss you.” She said, shaking her head. “After all that bullshit, I shouldn’t, but I do. The heart wants what it wants, or some shit…” She shrugged, and looked at her again.

Her expression wasn’t even peaceful. She looked in so much pain, whispering names of what Violet assumed were ghosts from the past, haunting her.

She leaned towards her, moving a hair strand behind her ear. The touch made Clementine relax for a moment, and Violet found herself pulling away as if she’s been struck by lightning.

She left the room to join the others.

Her feelings were a conflicted mess. She hated herself for having such feelings, because she knew that she would never chose her.

Violet wasn’t even sure if that kiss they shared meant anything, not when there were no actions to back it up.

She walked outside, joining everyone at the tables. Instead of sitting separately, they brought two tables together. No one felt like eating alone.

She glanced at James, who looked rather uncomfortable. Anyone could tell that he wasn’t too good with people, but was sitting with them out of politeness.

Violet watched everyone, noticing how slowly they were eating, how some of them would just stare at the food.

It was over, but at what cost?

They even found Minerva, only to learn that she killed Sophie, and before they could even process all that, she ran away.

“Should someone stay with Clem since AJ is here?” Aasim broke the silence. He wore a guilty expression, probably blaming himself for what happened. She did come to rescue them after all.

AJ and Tenn were the only two sitting away from them, because Tenn didn’t want to talk after his meeting with his sister, and because AJ couldn’t leave his friend on his own.

“Yeah, I was going to check on her.” Ruby answered, sighing. “She… really turned our lives around, didn’t she?” She asked with a small smile.

“She barely knew us, yet she risked her life for us.” Omar commented.

Violet stared at her bowl harder. This whole conversation made her feel worse. Her last interaction with her would be her attacking her…

That thought was starting to make her sick.

“Well, when she wakes up, we can all tell her how much we love her to her face.” Louis said with a smile, trying to brighten up the mood. “She’ll come back to us, guys.  If anyone could survive it, it’s her.”

“I hope so.” Ruby smiled, appreciating his attempt to reassure everyone. She stood up, heading towards the building, and soon after, AJ went there too.

“Uh… thank you for the food.” Violet was startled, and turned to James who  _ finally _ spoke. It looked like he was trying to say this one sentence for the past 15 minutes. She couldn’t blame him, being around people was hard for her.

“It’s the least we can do to thank you.” She said, with a small shrug.

“Vi! You should have seen him when he guided the walkers! He was so cool!” Willy said, or rather, yelled. “You should totally stay with us, James!”

“I uh… haven’t been around people in a long time.” The ex whisperer admitted, avoiding everyone’s gazes.

“Well, we’re as warm as people come.” Louis said with a smile. “Well, I know  _ I _ am warm, can’t say the rest for the others.”

“He’s the world’s biggest idiot.” Violet playfully rolled her eyes, and somehow, their little banter made James chuckle.

“I’ll think about it.” He said, before standing up and asking if he could help with anything.

The blonde watched with a smile, noticing how Willy kept following him like a lost puppy, then that smile disappeared, when she remembered how inseparable he and Mitch were.

“Ready to hunt, Vi?” Louis asked, and she shrugged again, before leaving the table. “I decided to keep you company through it.” He smiled as he followed her.

“I thought you hated working.” She smirked and turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, I do, but not when it’s with my favorite Violet.”

“Whatever.”

Meanwhile, Ruby continued to watch over Clementine. Her fever didn’t go down, and she was still muttering names.

She just changed her bandages again, and while she wished she could get her out of bloodied clothes, she figured the process would only put her in more pain.

Perhaps when she wakes up, they could find her some clothes to wear while these get washed up.

“Violet…” Clementine finally whispered a name she could recognize. Her eyes widened. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

She turned to give AJ a confused look, and he shook his head, not knowing what to say. He didn’t know what happened between them, and hasn’t seen them fight because Lilly took him away.

Suddenly, his frowned turned into a smile as he watched Clementine’s eyes slowly open, and then meeting his.

**-What the heart wants-**

Violet was frustrated. They have been trying to find food for a while, but all they stumbled upon was walkers. The explosion brought a lot of them, and it made their food run away.

“Well, at least we have something to eat for the next few days.” Louis said, still searching for rabbits or even birds to hunt.

“It won’t be enough for the winter. We need to get as much food as possible to prepare for it.” Violet said. She started to think this was a bad idea and a waste of time.

“Hey, Vi?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been trying not to think about it but… I shot that woman in the mouth.” Louis stopped walking, and turned to her. He looked down, and closed his eyes. “I killed her.”

His friend looked at him, as she recalled what happened. It was an accident, she startled him, and he shot her.

Honestly, she thought she deserved it.

These people were the reason that Sophie, Brody, Mitch… even Marlon, died. Brody and Marlon might not have been directly killed by them, but it’s what happened a year ago that drove them to the edge.

“I’m sorry Lou, I know you don’t like hurting people, but they were fucked up. Our friends wouldn’t have died if it weren’t for them.” She said, and noticed how he glanced at her, then at his feet again. “You didn’t mean to do it, but what’s done is done now.”

“I can’t just forget what happened, Violet.” He muttered, still avoiding her gaze.

“I’m not telling you to forget. You just have to move forward, and I’m here for you if you want to talk about it. We’ll… deal with it together, okay?” She said with a soft voice, knowing that she wasn’t good at comforting people, but she needed to try for his sake.

He crossed his arms, thinking for a moment. He then took a deep breath, and nodded.

“Yeah, but you gotta do the same.” She gave him a questioning look. “You have to move forward too. You love Clem, you can’t pretend you don’t.”

“That’s-”

“Oh.” They both jumped away at a third sound. Their mouths hang open, as they stared at Minerva, whose eyes were settled on her ex girlfriend.

“Minnie? Why are you here?” Violet asked, and gripped her bow tightely.

Was she with the raiders? Were there survivors from the boat and she brought them to them?

No… She looked unarmed, and like she hasn’t slept at all. She looked like a mess.

“I… came back to return this.” She pulled a familiar hat, Clementine’s hat. “I found it by the river.” She said, keeping herself from showing any emotion.

The truth was that she wanted to burn it, because its owner ruined her last chance at having a home. She ruined everything.

Yet, a part of her wouldn’t let her do so. A part of her that she had to repress every day.

Violet hesitated, before taking the hat. She stared at it, noticing how the ‘D’ was close to falling. She looked at the girl who once had her heart, then at Louis, who nodded at her.

“You should come back, Minnie.” She said, and the soldier looked at her in confusion, trying to make sure if she heard her wrong. “We’ll talk things through.”

“We’re still family.” The musician agreed.

“No. I can’t.” Minerva shook her head, and her voice was barely a whisper. “Not after what I did to Sophie. I can’t… I can’t face Tenn, or anyone.”

Violet sighed, and walked towards her.

“We’re all upset about what happened to Sophie, but you were both in a fucked up situation. That woman? She was manipulating you. You’re free from her now, and the last thing we would do is give up on you.” She said, giving her a determined look.

Minerva was shocked, and then, she was smiling.

“You’ve changed.” It was Violet’s turn to be taken back. She looked thoughtful. “I no longer have anything to lose… I’ll come with you.”

The blonde smiled in relief, and hugged her. Louis joined right away.

Minerva wasn’t sure what to do. She hasn’t felt this warmth in so long. She couldn’t remember the last time someone hugged her.

She slowly moved her arms, and wrapped them around her old friends, her real family.

The three walked home together, and they were greeted with shocked looks, and some suspicion at first, but everyone agreed that they wanted their old friend back.

Tenn slowly approached his sister, and while he seemed unsure at first, he hugged her to welcome her back.

He was still upset. No one could blame him. However, he will work on it, because he just got his sister back, and he wasn’t going to lose her again.

After all that, AJ finally told them the news.

“Holy shit! I told you she’d make it!” Louis grinned, and gave Violet a one armed hug. “See Vi? She’s one hell of a survivor! Let’s go see her!”

“Oh yeah, yeah…” Violet said, still trying to process the fact that Clementine woke up. “I’ll… I’ll see her after you do. Ruby said we shouldn’t all go to her room.” She pulled away, crossing her arms.

He frowned, but decided to give her a moment to prepare herself.

She watched him leave, and sighed. Minerva watched her, but didn’t say anything. She saw Ruby talking to her, and Violet slowly nodding, before heading towards the building.

She then looked at the lonely hat on one of the tables.

Violet was told that Clementine needed some clean clothes, and since their sizes didn’t seem too far, Ruby asked her to bring her some of hers.

She didn’t mind. She was just worried that it would be awkward between them, or that Clementine would hate her for her actions back at the boat.

She wouldn’t blame her if she did.

She carried the clothes, and stopped before her room. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that this would be over in a few minutes.

She can just put the clothes, say hi, then leave.

It was simple, and yet when she walked in, she saw her struggling to walk, and using the bed for support.

Violet quickly reached for her before she would fall.

She used one arm for her to lean on, before slowly helping her sit back.

Clementine looked at her in surprise, not expecting her to come see her. Everyone has since she woke up, but she kept waiting to see Violet. She wanted to apologize, to explain to her, and yet she said nothing now that she was before her.

“What were you thinking? You can’t think about walking when you’ve had your side messed up like that!” Violet scolded her. She was worried that she would fall and open her wound.

“I’m sorry… I was feeling restless.” Clementine said, looking away. She tried opening her mouth to say anything, but she couldn’t.

Violet sighed.

“Here. Change to this.” She said, and walked towards the door.

There. It was easy. She had no reason to stay here any longer. There was no reason to make this more awkward than it already was.

However, she made the mistake of turning to her, and seeing the pain her face conveyed.

“Fuck.” She muttered under her breath, then looked back at her. “Do you need help changing?”

Clementine turned to her in surprise, and her eyes grew wide. “Uh… No, I can handle it, thanks.”

“Clem.” Violet said her name for the first time since she walking in. “You can barely move. It would hurt less if you let me help you. Besides, we’re both girls, there is no need to be embarrassed-”

“No, it’s not that.” She interrupted her, and remained silent for a moment. She couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Just… try not to look too much. Please.”

Violet was about to say something, then decided to just go along with it. 

She realized why she said that when she was helping her. Violet averted her eyes as much as she could while she helped her, but she caught glimpses of a few scars, one on her shoulder, the other on her arm…

It was safe to assume that there were more than just these two.

It was strange seeing her this fragile, to have her lean against her as she tried to get dressed.

It was all because she risked her life for them.

“Thank you.” Clementine said, feeling relieved now that she wore cleaner clothes.

The two were sitting on the bed in silence.

Violet just stared at her, wishing she could see those eyes she fell in love with, those eyes that the girl next to her was trying to hide. Her face was pale, and she looked exhausted. Every breath she took looked like it was taking away all her strength.

Violet found herself in pain.

It felt as if there was something stuck in her throat, and her heart was being gripped, and the grip grew tighter the longer the silence went on… the longer she resisted the urge to let her feelings out.

She gave in.

She gently placed a hand on Clementine’s shoulder, and moved her towards her, pulling her into a hug. Clementine was in shock, and she couldn’t hug back even if she wanted to. She didn’t have enough strength, but it didn’t matter to Violet. It didn’t matter that the hug couldn’t be returned.

She had so much to say. They had so much to solve, so much healing to do, but right now?

“I’m glad you’re alive, Clem.”

This was enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clementine starts to loose herself to the demons from her past.

Clementine has been through a lot for the past few years, ever since Lee died. She has been injured, shot, scarred, betrayed… And she always managed to stand on her feet again.

This time though, she couldn’t.

She was feeling restless, not knowing what to do now that her legs couldn’t support her, now that she was wounded and could do nothing but wait.

And emotionally…? She wasn’t thinking straight.

Everything was coming back to haunt her, from Lilly’s words concerning Lee, to telling AJ to shoot her, destroying the last connection she had of the past… The last connection to a time where Clementine hasn’t lost everything.

It was a time where she had Lee, and a time where she didn’t have so much blood on her hands.

It felt like the last straw, because everything came crashing down, and she couldn’t do anything about it.

She was seeing everyone.

Her parents, nothing but walking corpses.

Lee, handcuffed with a bullet to the skull.

Christa, helplessly holding a dying Omid.

Luke, drowning as a walker gripped his leg.

“Clem? Are you with me?” A voice rang in her head, distant, unreachable. She chose to ignore it.

Jane, lying in a pool of her own blood.

Kenny, left behind to become walker food.

Brody and Mitch, buried because she failed to protect them.

“Clem?” This time, she looked at the voice calling for her. Ruby has been replacing her bandages, but now she stopped to check on her, concerned for her lack of response.

“Yes?”

“I’m done. You can join us for dinner later, but don’t walk too much.” Ruby instructed, noticing how staying in one place was affecting her. She was more withdrawn, always staring into the distance.

AJ was with them the whole time, refusing to go anywhere. Clementine didn’t mind, since he saw her in worse conditions. There were times where he had to help her patch herself up.

She needed to talk to him, about Lilly, about what he did.

She told him to shoot her, but she didn’t expect him to lose it like that.

“Maybe I shouldn’t.” She said, wincing as she pulled down her shirt. “You said Minerva was back. I don’t think she would be happy to see me. And Violet, I don’t know if I can be near her.”

Ruby studied her for a moment, before turning to AJ.

“AJ? Could you leave us for a moment? Clem and I need to talk.” She said, and Clementine’s eyes widened, unsure what her friend meant.

The boy looked between them, frowning.

“Old people talk?” Ruby frowned, not appreciating that he just called them old, but nodded anyway.

He sighed, and took his gun, planning to go on patrol.

Once he was out, Clementine gulped.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s between you and Violet?” Ruby asked, making her panic.

What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to do? How could she escape this conversation?

“Who is Violet?” She blurted out, only for the girl to look at her, unimpressed.

“Clementine…”

“Who is Clementine?” She avoided the look she was getting, then sighed. She knew Ruby wanted an answer, and wouldn’t leave without getting one, besides, perhaps she needed to confined in someone before she loses her mind. “I kissed her… before the raiders came.”

“I figured.” Ruby shrugged, and her frown turned upside down. She chuckled at the surprised look she received. “I haven’t seen Violet so happy, not since… well, you know. So I figured there was something between you two, and you weren’t good at hiding it either. I mean, picking the purple candle, really?” She teased.

“Oh my God.” Clem hid her face with her palms, feeling both vulnerable and embarrassed. “Does  _ everyone _ else know?”

She remembered Louis hinting at something, when he asked her why she saved him. He talked about how close she and Violet were. Did he know too?

“No, not really. The boys are oblivious to it.”

“Oh, thank God.”

“So, what  _ else _ is going on? You don’t seem to be on the best terms.”

“She’s not happy that I didn’t save her.” Clementine sighed, looking away. She winced at the pain in her side, but if she was being honest, it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. “I can’t blame her. Brody told me that she hasn’t seen her open up to someone in so long, not until she met me, and after she stood up for me so many times, after I confessed to her… I let her get taken. She’s right to hate me.”

“Clem, she doesn’t hate you.” Ruby reasonned. “She just has trouble dealing with that stuff. It has to do with why she was sent here, but it’s not my place to tell you.”

“Maybe… I should leave.” She said, folding her hands on her lap. “I’m only going to cause tension in the group.”

“Clem! You don’t mean that!” Ruby said, surprised. She tried looking for any sign, anything that told her otherwise, but she found nothing. Clementine really meant what she said.

Before she could say anything, James walked in, surprised to see her there.

“Oh… Hi, I’ll come back another time.” He said, looking at the floor.

“No, it’s okay.” Ruby said, then put her hand on her friend’s, before leaving the two alone.

Clementine wasn’t sure if she was relieved that James was here, or worried. She knew what conversation they would have, and it made her feel tense.

She couldn’t avoid any of this, could she?

A break would be nice for once, but perhaps that would be asking for too much.

“How are you feeling?” He carefully asked, slowly walking towards her. His eyes wandered from the large band aid on her chest, to her side that he knew was covered in bandages.

He was worried, and while he hasn’t spent that much time with her, he grew to care for her.

“I feel like I’ve been ran over by a train.” She answered honestly, chuckling. The train… She always chooses the train. “James, could you do me a favor? Can you help me go outside and we can talk? I’m sick of staying here.

“Oh, sure.” He said, awkwardly looking around, before offering her his hand.

She smiled at him, grateful, and took it. Once she stood up, she wrapped an arm around his, using him for support.

They walked in silence, and she took a deep breath once they left the building. It was nice to have fresh air again.

The other kids didn’t notice her yet, and she was glad they didn’t. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She felt like she was a ticking bomb, ready to explode at any moment.

No… That was not it.

She wanted to explode. She needed to. She just couldn’t.

She was drowning, suffocating.

How long did it take for the water to fill Luke’s lungs? she wondered.

Did he suffer too much? Or was it peaceful?

She hoped it was the latter. He didn’t deserve to hurt.

“Clem?” James started, as he helped her sit on the stairs. “About AJ…” He started, much to her dismay.

Her eyes wandered between her friends, from Violet who turned to look at them for a moment -Clementine averted her eyes right away- to AJ, who was on lookout with Willy.

“I knew Lilly, James. My friend gave her a second chance a long time ago, and she stabbed us in the back. I know that she would have killed one of us, if we haven’t shot her.” She explained, making his gaze harden.

“So, it’s okay to turn AJ into a murderer?”

“No.” Clementine sighed, crossing her arms, closing off. “There was no right answer. He would have killed again at some point, and I know I wouldn’t be able to stop him anyway. I just hope that I can teach him that killing isn’t to be taken lightly. I don’t want his humanity to slip away.”

“What if she didn’t try to kill anyone?”

“What if she tried?” She retorted. “I’ve seen so many people die, people I cared about. It wasn’t my first kill that broke me, James. It was saying goodbye to loved ones, knowing that I could have done something to prevent it.” She admitted, and let out a shaky breath.

Why was she admitting this to him? To justify herself? To justify her choices? The blood she spilled?

Or was it because meeting Lilly again and remembering everything opened old wounds?

She thought back to one of the worst days of her life.

The day they lost their home.

The day Lilly shot Carley.

Clementine liked Carley. She was nice to her, and she always stood up for Lee. Looking back at it now, she had the impression they liked each other.

That thought brought a warm sensation to her chest, only for it to be crushed by the memory of Duck being carried away by his parents.

The memory of Kenny coming back from the woods, a broken man.

Duck was her friend. He didn’t deserve that.

Kenny often told her how happy he was that they were friends. Whenever they were resting by the fire, with AJ sitting between them, he would talk about him.

He told her that she was his last connection to a normal childhood, and that he was glad he at least got that, before he died.

She felt the same.

“Clementine?” She felt a hand being gently placed on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

She didn’t realize she was crying.

_ “Whenever I see someone like you, small, weak, afraid, and still alive?” _

Oh right, Doctor Lingard mentioned it before...

_ “Well, I bet a lot of folks died just to get you here.” _

... Survivor’s guilt.

“I’m okay.” She said, quickly wiping her tears. She didn’t want to make a scene. “Thanks for everything. I owe you a lot.”

James looked down, then back to her with a subtle smile.

“If I could call you friend, then there is no need to keep count.” He said, and received a surprised look.

Clementine smiled.

“Of course. We’re friends.”

**-What the heart wants-**

Hours have passed, and Clementine kept checking on everyone. No one allowed her to do a thing, because they were worried about her wound. So, she ended up helping with the small stuff, like stirring for Omar while we went to get something, or listening to Louis play the piano, or talking with Aasim as he wrote his diary.

It was nice, like a breath of fresh air.

They were talking, enjoying each other’s presence, without worrying about the raiders anymore.

For a moment, she managed to forget about her worries.

When Omar finished cooking, everyone moved to their places. AJ sat next to her, smiling.

“Do you feel okay? I can feed you.” He said, and she chuckled.

Oh, how she loved him.

“I’m okay, Goofball. Thank you.” She said, ruffling his hair, to which he smiled back. He was too happy to complain about the name.

Clementine then frowned when she saw Minerva sitting on the same table, glaring daggers at her.

This was...awkward.

Louis and Violet were looking for a spot to eat, and noticed the growing tension on that table. Louis looked at Vi, and nodded his head towards them. She quickly shook hers, but he dragged her with him.

Once the two sat down, Clementine lost appetite.

Sitting with current girlfriend who could possibly become an ex and _her_ _ex_?

That was beyond awkward.

“So, ladies, and my favorite little man…” Louis winked at AJ, who grinned. “Chef Omar worked hard on this meal, and he would want to know your opinions on it.”

“It’s great. He got a lot better at cooking.” Minerva said, no longer showing any of the malice from earlier. “Maybe we could get our hands on some chicken one day, I miss it.”

“Ugh, don’t make me think of chicken nuggets now.” Violet smiled and shook her head.

Clem smiled softly at the sight, then turned to Louis, grateful.

Where would she be without this dork?

“What are chicken nuggets?” AJ asked, as he paused his eating.

“It’s the most amazing food in the world.” Minerva answered him with a smile, surprising the girl with the hat. “When Violet was a kid, she named her pillow nugget. She always slept hugging it.”

“Oh God, shut up.” Violet nudged her, not happy that information got out. Clementine and Louis stared at her with raised eyebrows. “Don’t say a word.” She threatened, and the two just shrugged.

“Alright, time for a game.” The musician pulled his cards once they were done eating. AJ ran to join Tenn this time. He said they were working on a ‘secret project’.

The game was war, again.

Clementine was starting to feel at ease. She was nervous around Violet, and untrusting towards Minnie, but at least Louis made up for it with his jokes.

Everything was going smoothly.

“Hey, I win.”

Or at least it was, until Minerva pulled the highest card.

“So, Clementine.” She growled. She glared at her with murderous intents, just like on the boat. “Why did you put my brother’s life in danger?”

Clementine’s eyes widened.

“Why did you plant a bomb, knowing that we were all there, that your  _ friends _ are there?”

“Minerva stop-” Violet said, but she wasn’t budging. Her voice only got louder.

“You came to this school, got my friends killed and you almost killed my brother too!” Minerva yelled and stood up, letting out the frustration she was feeling since their first encounter. No, since Lilly told her what happened during the attack. “Marlon, Brody, Mitch! Their deaths are on you!” She pointed her finger at Clementine, who silently stared at her, which made her angrier. “ _ You  _ should be the one in their place! You should be the one buried, not them!”

“FUCKING STOP!” Violet stood up, her outburst startling her ex girlfriend. “None of it was her fault! She saved us all, or would you rather you stayed with those child snatching asshole?!”

“Oh, so you’re defending her.” Minerva chuckled, her eyes darkening. “She let them take you, didn’t she? I know you Violet, and I know that you can’t fully trust her after that.”

“Minerva. Stop.”

“Look me in the eyes, and tell me you trust her with your life.”

Violet glared for a moment, before looking down.

She couldn’t.

That was Clementine’s cue to leave. She silently stood up, and walked away, ignoring the look she received from everyone, and ignoring Minnie’s angry calls, or AJ’s worried ones.

Louis glared at them, throwing his cards at the table.

“I can’t believe you two.” He said, before leaving as well.

Violet watched him go after her, and she clenched her fists.

Minerva stared for a moment, then at Tenn, who gave her a disapproving look, and looked down. Guilt flashed in her eyes for a moment, before it was replaced with a hardened look.

Louis caught up with her, finding her sitting on her bed, lost in thoughts.

“Clem?” He approached her, but there was no response. “Hey, I…” He stopped when he saw tears starting to fall on her face, but she was still unresponsive. He didn’t know what to do, so he sat next to her.

She silently rested her head on his shoulder, and he carefully placed his hand on her waist, knowing that this was the only comfort he could give her.

In her mind, she was sitting on the same spot from years ago, watching the fire barely cooking the weasel they caught. The rain didn’t make it any easier.

She turned to the woman next to her. She looked so tired and broken, more like a ghost than a human.

“Christa, talk to me.” Clementine said, no longer with her 11 years old voice.

“It’s your fault he’s dead.” Christa said, her voice not showing malice, but heartbreak.

Clementine looked ahead.

“I know.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some much needed talks finally happen.

A few days have passed since that night with the dinner. Things have been tense within the group, not because of fighting, quite the opposite, Clementine was avoiding everyone but AJ.

She wouldn’t eat with them. She even refused to eat a couple of times, and only agreed to if it was a small amount of food.

She even refused to rest and insisted to work. Ruby thought she could knock some sense into her, but turns out that the girl was even more stubborn than what they initially thought.

They thought they got her back, only for her to push them all away.

She was especially avoiding Violet. Whenever she would see her coming, she would go into the opposite direction, or start working on something.

Everyone was worried sick, that was why they decided to hold a meeting. They made AJ keep her busy so that she wouldn’t know what they were up to.

“Why am I even here?” Minerva muttered, only for everyone to glare at her. She shrugged in response.

They were all in Marlon’s office. It was a bit suspicious for them all to be there, but they knew AJ got them covered somehow.

“You’re here because you fucked up.” Violet said, crossing her arms and glaring at her ex, who raised an eyebrow in return.

“Is that so? Last time I checked, Clemenhat was avoiding you, not me.”

“If you two don’t stop arguing right now, I’ll lock you here.” Ruby threatened, and the two muttered ‘whatever’ before looking away from each other.

“So, Clem seems really depressed.” Aasim stated, ignoring the two brooding ‘children’.

“Obviously.” Louis shook his head, and ignored Aasim’s annoyed look. “I’ve been trying my best to cheer her up, but it didn’t work.”

“I tried starting conversations when we were on lookout duty.” Willy added.

“Maybe it’s more than what happened the other day.” Tenn said, and they all turned their attention to him. “Didn’t she say that she knew that woman? Lilly?” They all nodded. “Perhaps meeting and killing her triggered something in her. She has been on her own for a long time, and we don’t know much about her.”

“We did learn a bit about her during that game with Marlon.” Violet said, then frowned. They barely knew anything about her past.

“She didn’t seem comfortable talking about it.” Louis said, and they all stayed silent for a moment, before smirking. “Violet should talk to her.”

The blonde’s eyes widened.

“Louis what part of ‘she is avoiding me’ do you not understand-”

“We should lock them in a room.” Minerva added.

“WHAT?”

“If she’s avoiding you the most, then you might be able to get something out of her.” Ruby winked.

“WHAT THE FUCK.”

Clementine sneezed, wondering if she caught a cold.

She sat down, and AJ looked at her in concern. They have been counting the same ten walkers outside the gate, and Clem was starting to get bored.

If only they would let her haunt. Her wound wasn’t  _ so  _ bad. Well, maybe it was, but she pretended it wasn’t because it made her feel useless.

They don’t even need her anymore, do they? There are no more raiders.

They were safe, and so was AJ. He now had so many people who could teach him, who could make him a better person.

He didn’t need her either…

Clementine grimaced, and tried shaking away the thought. She would never leave AJ behind, ever.

Whether she was some bad omen or not, she could not survive without him. She was more afraid than ever to be on her own, and she kept thinking of how selfish she was being.

“Clem? Can I talk to you about something?” AJ’s voice startled her. He has been silently staring at her the whole time. He seemed to do that often lately, and she wondered if she would be thinking about her getting bitten again.

Wouldn’t it be ironic, if history repeated herself, and she were to die the same way Lee did? Shot by the child she raised?

…Oh Lee.

The moment he left her life, she lost meaning of so many things.

“Yeah, sure. What is it?” She asked, patting the spot next to her, and smiled softly as he sat close.

“It’s about Lilly.”

“Oh.” Was all she could mutter.

“You told me to shoot her.” He said, confusion filling his voice.

“I know.”

“I thought it would feel good, killing her.” He started, and stared at his palms. Clementine sighed, thinking of how such small hands shouldn’t have blood on them. “She killed Tenn’s sister, and she killed Mitch.  She took our friends away, and when I saw her trying to kill you, I got so mad. I couldn’t think anymore.”

Clementine took a deep breath. Would his unconditional love for her be the end of him one of these days?

“I don’t know how many times I shot her, and when I came back to my senses, it scared me.” He tried to explain. He kept struggling to find the words, struggling to understand the whole situation. He finally looked at his guardian, and all she could see was a scared small child. “Am I becoming a monster, Clem?”

“No.” Her answer was immediate.

She wouldn’t let him. She never knew who his real father was, but she promised herself that she would never let him become like Carver. She promised herself that he would become a survivor, that he would be fierce like Rebecca, but kind hearted like Alvin.

He would protect the people he cared about, like Kenny did, but he wouldn’t lose himself to it.

She owed them that much. They died so that he could live, so that they would both live.

And she would keep that humanity in him, no matter the cost.

“How do you know?” AJ asked, almost frustrated. “I killed Marlon, and he wasn’t a monster. She was one, but I could have shot her once, but I…”

“You’re right. One shot was all it took, but you kept firing. It scared me to see you like that.” Clementine admitted, then took his hand. “You did it to protect us, to protect me. That doesn’t make you a monster. There are times where you have to make difficult choices, choices that would hurt the people you love, or hurt you. There is no right or wrong answer anymore, not in the world we live in now.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” He paused. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s not that easy.” She smiled sadly, then pulled him closer, into a one armed hug. “I need you to listen to me. Killing is never right. We kill walkers all the time, but humans are a different story. Whether they are good or bad, their lives still weight the same. We only kill when we have to, when it’s our last resort.” She explained, and he silently listened, taking it all in, before asking again.

“How do I know when to kill or spare someone? I could have spared her and Marlon, but I didn’t. How do I know who is a monster, and who’s not?”

“I don’t have an easy answer for that, kiddo.” She sighed. “You have to follow your gut. You can try to reason with them, some people would listen. Lilly wouldn’t. She had her whole crew there, and she could have ordered them to shoot us once you lowered the gun.”

He looked down, thoughtful.

“I want to be good, like you.”

Her heart sank.

She hoped he would never be like her.

The two sat like that for a while, both thinking of their own demons, but finding comfort in each other.

She could be projecting, but sometimes she would think of Lee whenever she looked at AJ. They both had a fire in them.

She wondered why the two would go to such length to protect her.

Did she even deserve it? Probably not.

With that, their lookout shift ended.

“Hey Clem.” She was walking towards the admin building, when Aasim called her. He started talking to her more after the rescue, and even worry for her safety. She appreciated it.

“Hey Aasim, did Louis steal your diary again?” She smiled, and he rolled his eyes.

“It’s not a diary, and no he didn’t… for now.” He sighed, knowing that he picked up on his interest in Ruby from reading it. “I was thinking that, maybe we should expand the safe zone.”

“Oh.” She said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “Shouldn’t you tell that to Violet? She’s the leader.”

“Well yeah, but you should know that we all consider you as a co-leader, and want your opinion on this.” He explained, and she felt worse. Noticing her discomfort, he added. “I think you and Violet should talk things through after what happened. She doesn’t hate you, she was just… distraught and kept thinking about you when we were there.”

Clementine just sighed.

“We’ll see. Maybe we could find something other than food, like clothes or toys for Tenn and AJ.”

“Some books would be nice. It gets boring here sometimes.”

“Books would be great.” She affirmed.

He managed to get a smile out of her, and he felt proud about it. He usually kept to himself, and wished he could tell his friends how much he cared for them, like Louis would.

However, that smile was gone when Clementine looked away, only to see Violet and Minerva walking together.

“They’re not together.” He blurted out, regretting it the moment she turned back to him. “I mean, I uh… I heard what Violet said in the cell when you arrived, about feelings and…” He decided to stop talking before he would dig himself into a deeper hole.

Clementine just shook her head.

“See you later, Aasim.”

“Yeah, see you later.” He face palmed, the moment she was out of sight.

Meanwhile, Minerva walked into Marlon’s office. She looked around, almost scowling.

Some  _ friend _ and  _ leader _ he was.

Violet sighed, and leaned against her desk, carefully eying the girl. Whenever the two were alone, she felt nervous.

Not because of her feelings, no. They started fading the moment Clementine walked into her life.

Feelings of romantic love, turned into platonic ones, but she still cared about her all the same.

Perhaps the nervousness came from all the history they have shared.

“So, what are we talking about?”

“I want to talk about us.” Minerva said, still paying more attention to the walls around her, than to blonde, as if lost in her own world.

Violet however, became alarmed. She should have know that this was coming. They were still dating when Marlon gave the twins away, as much as she wanted to go back to how things were, she couldn’t.

Not when her heart now belonged to someone else.

“Minerva I… I’m sorry.” She started apologized, but the redhead raised her hand, signaling her to stop.

“I know, and I’m not asking for us to continue from where we stopped. I just want closure.” She explained, and Violet stared at her in confusion. “Even if you weren’t in love with her, I don’t think I would have been able to stay with you, not with how much I’ve changed. I’m too damaged.”

“Minerva-“

“I am. I killed my own sister. I killed so many people, and it changed me, but I still care about you a lot.” She said, and smiled softly as she noticed how the other girl relaxed.

“I care about you too. Nothing will change that.” Violet said, and walked towards her, before hugging her. Minnie returned the affection. Vi pulled away, rubbing her neck. “So… you know about Clem.”

Minerva raised an eyebrow.

“Violet, everyone knows.” Violet’s eyes widened. “You’re the opposite of subtle, and everyone sees the way you look at her. I also heard your talk with Louis.”

“Oh.”

“That’s why they set you up to talk to her.”

“Well, fuck.” Violet shook her head. Great, everyone knew about them. That wasn’t embarrassing at all.

“I hate to admit it but, I admire her courage.” Minerva said, sighing. “She fought back, and she got you out of there. I guess I’m jealous. Still, I am mad that she put you in so much danger, and that she couldn’t save the others.”

“She did all she could. She tried harder than anyone.”

“But you’re still upset, aren’t you?” The redhead asked, seeing through her. The past year might have changed them, but some things remained the same.

Violet just sighed.

“Talk to her.” Minerva said, crossing her arms. She didn’t seem upset, but perhaps a little annoyed. “It’s frustrating seeing you two avoid each other. There’s this tension around and I’m sick of it.”

“Yeah, like you’re not the one picking fights with her.”

“I’ll get around.” The redhead shrugged. “If she makes everyone happy, then there must be something to her. I can’t promise I’ll like her though.”

Vi smiled.

“Thanks, Minnie. You always know how to make me feel better.”

“Just go get your girl. I know you’re horrible at making a move, but even you can’t mess this up.”

“Hey.”

**-What the heart wants-**

Clementine looked around, sighing at the mess they all made when they decided to ‘party’. No one has cleaned the room since then, so Ruby asked her to do it.

It wasn’t the job she hoped for, but at least it was better than nothing. Everyone was treating her like she was helpless because of her injury, and while it did hurt like hell, she could handle herself just fine.

She wished they would see that.

She looked at the purple candles and smiled softly.

She missed Violet a lot, so she chose that one. She was glad Ruby didn’t mind. Having the color fill the room calmed her nerves, and helped her feel close to her.

She sighed, and decided to organize the room.

Taking Violet off her mind proved to be harder than she thought.

She heard the door open as she picked upa blanket from the floor. She turned, and her breath got caught in her lungs.

Speak of the angel…

Violet walked in, nervously looking at her, while Clem pulled the blanket close, and looked down.

“Hey. Ruby told me to help you.” She said, and the girl in the hat smiled bitterly for a moment, before frowning.

“I got it.” She simply said, folding the blanket, and moving to the next one.

Vi sighed.

“Clem, you can’t keep doing this.” Clementine tensed, her back turned to her. “You can’t keep avoiding to eat, or keep pushing yourself to work.”

“Didn’t you say that all I did was either get you hurt or killed?” Clementine’s tone was calm and low, but it was more than enough to stab her in the heart.

The blonde took a step back, her hands clenched into fists.

“I didn’t mean what I said… I was just upset, Clem. I didn’t mean it.”

“You’re not wrong though. All I do is kill people around me.” She said.

“That’s not true-”

“You don’t get it.” Clementine’s voice was starting to grow in strength, as she finally turned to meet her eyes. “Do you know how  _ many _ people I got killed? Do you know how many people haunt me at night because I couldn’t save them? Because I caused their deaths? Because they protected me?!”

“None of it is your fault, shit happens and we can’t stop it and people die. None of it is anyone’s fault.” Violet took a step closer, and tried to reason. “We all see ghosts in our nightmares. I see my Grandma, I see Sophie…”

“I’m sorry.” Clementine said, looking away again. She opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it.

She moved to fold something else, and Violet just rubbed her arm nervously, feeling like the other girl was closing herself more.

“Ruby told me you guys had a small party before coming to rescue us.” She said, looking around.

“Yeah, uh, she thought it’d be a good idea to lift everyone’s spirit.” Clementine was tense, hoping Vi wouldn’t take it the wrong way. “We had some music and lit up some candles, but that’s about it.”

“That’s cool.” Violet said, staring at the music discs. “It would have been nice if I was here, I always wanted to dance with someone I cared about.” She said, staring with a smile, almost wistfully.

Clementine stopped what she was doing, and looked at her in surprise.

Her heart started beating louder, as she considered what she was about to do. She dropped everything, and walked towards Violet, who turned to her.

She put on some music, earning a questioning look from her companion. She then turned and raised her hand towards the blonde, scared but still confident.

“Do you want to try?” She asked, her heart threatening to jump out her ribcage. Violet looked at her in surprise, then at her hand.

The blonde’s heart started beating louder as well, and she felt conflicted. She could take her hand, knowing how much she was yearning to have her close, or reject it, succumbing to her feelings of betrayal and fear.

She looked right into her eyes, and that was the only answer she needed.

She took her hand.

Clementine smiled softly, as she pulled Violet close, who in return rested her hands on her shoulders. Clem held her by the waist, and while they both knew nothing about dancing, it didn’t stop their bodies from moving in rhythm.

Violet was taken back by the loving look she was receiving, so she looked down for a moment, all of her thoughts racing, along with her heart.

If she needed confirmation for how much she loved her, this was it. Clementine had an effect on her, that no one else seemed to have.

In that moment, all she could feel was love, and it showed when she looked up again, and into Clem’s eyes.

She moved closer, hugging her, resting her head on her shoulder, as she closed her eyes.

Safety… complete safety, was something that she hasn’t felt in so long, yet it was something that Clementine’s warm embrace could provide.

Clementine was surprised, as she wasn’t expecting this from the girl, not after their encounter at the boat.

She didn’t complain though, she pulled her closer, closing her eyes as well.

She could forget about it all, for just this moment.

Violet pulled away after a moment, grinning. She looked happy, and it made the girl in the hat feel satisfied.

She looked beautiful.

“Thanks for the dance.” She said, and Clem just smiled, before wincing and holding her side. Violet’s eyes widened in panic, as she held her. “Shit, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I guess I overdid it today. Can you help me sit?” Clem asked, and Violet only nodded, helping her sit down, before sitting next to her.

Clementine leaned against the wall, tired. She was upset at herself for not doing more, for being so helpless.

But she was more upset about something else…

“I’m sorry, for hurting you.” She apologized, forcing herself to look into Violet’s eyes, which widened in surprise, before softening.

“I know.” Vi said, looking away. She took a deep breath, before taking Clementine’s hand in hers. “I’m sorry too, for everything I said.”

“I understand if you hate me.”  _ I would hate me too. _ Clem wanted to add.

“What? No!” Violet quickly shook her head at the idea. She couldn’t hate her, hell, she felt the complete opposite. “I don’t hate you! I’m just confused I guess, over everything. I spent a lot of time growing at my grandma’s house, and she couldn’t cope with my grandpa’s death… I would hear her crying, and I would turn up the TV’s volume. One day, she came back with a 22 Rifle, and…” Violet closed her eyes, vividly reliving the memory. “I haven’t moved for five hours, until my mom came to pick me up. She asked why I haven’t done anything, and I just shrugged and told her that grandma  wasn’t going anywhere, besides, I just needed to finish my cartoons.” She said, turning towards Clementine, who looked down, wearing a sad expression on her face. “They shipped me here the next day.”

“Vi, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that must have been like.” Clementine tightened her grip on her hand.

“It’s fine. It’s just that, I’m tired of people leaving. When you didn’t save me, it triggered back some unpleasant memories, and I was upset for trusting you.” She explained, and it was her turn to tighten her grip when she felt Clem’s hand loosening around hers. “Then you came back, and I don’t know how to feel, but I just know that I don’t want you to leave.”

Clementine couldn’t promise her she wouldn’t leave. She couldn’t make the same promise Lee made her, only to break it.

She couldn’t promise her that when all she wanted was to hurt herself, and on her worst days, to do much more than that.

But there was one thing she could say, that was the absolute truth.

She kept her grip tight, as she lifted both their hands, and placed them on her chest.

Violet stared in confusion, as she felt the beating of Clementine’s heart.

“I love you, Violet.” Clementine said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minerva has Something she needs to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter than the others.

The world didn’t end when the dead started walking, and it certainly didn’t end years after that.

But now, Louis of all people, the optimist of the group, the ray of sunshine in a dark world, was sure the world was about to end.

Why you ask?

That’s because Violet, has been sitting at the table for the past hour, grinning for no reason.

This was it, this was how the world was going to end.

“God, quit being so dramatic, Lou. I can hear the buzzing in your head.” Minerva sat next to him, and waved his hands in front of his face, before raising an eyebrow when he didn’t react. She looked at Violet, and frowned. “Oh. We’re all going to die.” She deadpanned.

They both looked at the direction Violet was staring at. She was staring at Clementine, who was giggling at something AJ said.

They gave each other knowing looks.

“She has it bad.” Louis said, shaking his head.

“If I’m being honest, I’m quite offended.” Minerva added.

“Shut up.” Violet said, her voice barely holding any power in it. She was too focused daydreaming.

“Now, I’m  _ really _ offended.”

Violet finally snapped from her daze, when Clementine left her field of view. She saw the two staring at her, and she groaned, trying to hide a blush.

“Ugh, what the fuck are you two doing here?”

“Admiring the view with you.” Minnie smirked.

“Fuck off.” The blonde said, leaving the table.

Louis laughed, amused by the whole situation. He got over his crush on Clem surprisingly fast. Perhaps it was knowing how much the two cared for each other helped him. He especially loved seeing Violet finally open up to people.

A year ago, she wouldn’t have done half the things she’s been doing lately. She definitely would have never stepped up as a leader.

Clementine changed something in her. She changed something in all of them.

She was that special.

He turned to his friend.

“Are you okay with all this?” He asked, and the redhead turned to him, confused. “Clem and Vi.”

“Yeah.” Minnie answered, and gave him a look that said ‘don’t ask more.” She looked at the girl in the hat, who came back to help Aasim with something. “There is something I have to do though.”

She saw AJ and Tenn walking by, and smiled.

“Hey Tenn! AJ!” She called out, and Clementine stared from the distance, suspicious. The boys walked to her, one was suspicious, the other was warm and welcoming.

“Hey Minnie.” Tenn greeted with a smile.

“Can you guys help me with something?” She asked, then looked at AJ with a glint in her eyes. “I need you to steal Clementine’s hat.”

Everyone stared at her like she was out of her mind, and Louis stood up, ready to dig up a new grave.

**-What the heart wants-**

Clementine wiped a sweat off her forehead, as she moved the last bit of supplies. She and Ruby decided to organize everything and put it in place, in preparation for the winter.

A few days have passed since the explosion, which meant that they could try hunting again, and hopefully they would find food this time.

She asked if she could go out to hunt, but everyone gave her a stern glare.

While the moment she shared with Violet helped ease her mind, she still felt horrible about everything. Walking hurt, resting made her  _ restless _ , and trying not to think only made her think more.

She wanted to keep herself busy, but her body has its limitations, and so she was forced to rest in bed again.

Clementine took a short nap -hours passed, but she still considered it short- and when she woke, something was missing.

Her hat.

She couldn’t find it anywhere.

She would usually either place it on the nightstand, or on the bed above her, so where did it go?

Was she so feverish earlier that she put it somewhere else and forgot?

And so, Clementine started her search for her beloved hat.

She asked everyone, Aasim, Louis, Ruby, she avoided Willy because he looked… busy. She asked Violet who was acting weird now that she thought about it.

She eventually found her answer in Tenn and AJ.

“Minerva took it.” They both said, and Clem was about to burst a vein.

She turned, and headed into the admin building, not caring for the pain that every step brought her. She was beyond furious. Telling her to die was one thing, but taking her hat?

That hat was the last thing she had from her parents, and she would be damned if she would let anyone do something to it.

Right at the moment she walked in, she was met with Minerva’s face. The latter was startled as the brunette almost crashed into her. She quickly recovered from her surprise, and handed her the hat, before she would chew her.

Clementine was taken back by the action, and took the hat, staring at it.

She was ready to fight the redhead, but now that she had it in her hands, the will to fight died out.

The hat was sewed, it looked as new as it could after so many years. The ‘D’ that was threatening to fall off was back to its place, and most of the dirt was cleaned off.

She gaped at it like a fish, not knowing what to say.

“I found your hat, after the explosion, and I noticed how torn most of it was.” Minerva shrugged, and anywhere but at her. “I thought I’d fix it, as an apology. Sophie was great at this stuff, but I never was.” She closed her eyes, the painful memory of her sister coming back to haunt her.

“Thanks.” Clementine said, with a teary smile that she tried to hide, and the sight shocked the redhead.

“Woah, uh, are you okay?” She asked, panicked, but also weirded out since she never received anything but glares from her before. Now, she was fighting back tears,  _ and _ smiling at her?

A second apocalypse was definitely coming.

“Yeah, it’s just that this hat is really important to me.”

“You’re a weirdo.” Minerva deadpanned, and Clementine glared. “You know, when I first saw you, I couldn’t stand you.”

“You still don’t look like you stand me, Minerva.”

“Fair enough but let me finish before I stab you again.

“ _ Excuse me?!” _

“The thing is, I thought that I hated you because the others died, then I thought it was because of what’s between you and Violet.” She continued, ignoring the death glare, that turned into surprise at the mention of the blonde. “I realize that it’s something I saw in your eyes, that made me loathe you.”

Clementine looked at her in confusion, still clutching the hat in her hands. The blue eyed girl stared at her, as if she was looking through her, trying to find something.

“Have you ever killed someone you love?” She asked, and Clementine’s heart stopped for a moment.

“Yes.” She answered, and her tone made it final. She did not want to talk about it, not today, and if she could, not ever.

Minerva sighed, and nodded her head towards the piano room, where the two would end up sitting.

“Ever since I killed Sophie, I could never look at my reflection. My eyes, there were different, like there was something in them that broke, like camera’s lenses.” She tried to explain, and the girl in the hat just sat next to her, listening. “Does it ever get easier?”

Clementine sighed, as she looked forward, thinking of everyone she has lost so far.

But in this situation, she found herself thinking of Lee. The situations were different, but the outcome was still the same.

They have both killed someone they loved.

She would still have nightmares about him, and it has been so many years since she shot him. Sometimes, she would dream of him, an imaginary Lee guiding her through the darkness. She would hear his calm and comforting voice, and she would vent to him, tell him everything, and he would listen.

She never got to tell him that she loves him though, and whenever she tried to, the dream would end, and she would wake up with a heavy heart.

“No.” Was her answer, and she looked at Minnie, who sighed in despair. That was when another man crossed her mind, and she found herself smiling fondly. “A friend once told me that, the thing about a broken heart, is that you figure out the pieces you need, versus the ones you liked, and you keep moving. At the time, I didn’t really understand it, but now that I’m here, I think I get it.”

“Get what?”

“You always find something or someone worth protecting, no matter how much you’ve lost.” Clementine started, thinking of her parents, Lee, Kenny, Omid, Christa, and so many people… “Once you’re ready to move on, you focus on the one thing that keeps you going, sometimes it’s hard to know what it is, but most times, the memory of those who died so that we could get here, is enough because they would want us to keep living.”

The redhead’s lip quivered, and she hugged herself, trying to stop the tears from coming.

“I’m sure Sophie would want you to keep going, to live not just for you, but for Tenn too.”

But she couldn’t stop them, they started falling as soon as these words came out of the girl’s mouth, and sat there sobbing, as Clementine rested a hand on her shoulder, letting her know that she wasn’t alone.

When the time for dinner came, everyone was shocked to see Clementine and Minerva sitting next to each other, laughing and poking fun at one another.

There was a lot of dark humor and threats involved, but all came out as teasing.

Violet and Louis stared at each other, and the blonde shook her head when he smirked at her.

“So, your ex-girlfriend and girlfriend are best friends now.” He said.

“We’re all going to die.” Violet stared at them, weirded out, and started questioning every decision that has led her to this moment. “I’m going to die.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic attacks are the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to get this one out, but that was mostly because my emotional state have been terrible (so you should know by now that half this chapter is me venting, so I hope it doesn't get too ooc or self-indulgent) and because I've been writing my original work. I hope you enjoy this update!

Clementine sighed, as she stared at the clouds, moving without a care.

She thought back to what Violet said back on the roof, about the bird, and how it could go anywhere it wanted.

Oh, how she wished she was that bird.

She should be happy. She and Violet haven’t talked since that day, unless she can count talking about supplies and the safe zone talking, and everyone seemed to be in high spirits now, even Minerva took a liking to her. AJ was more than fine, he was acting like a child again.

So why was she so upset?

She winced, as a pain shot through her side.

Oh, right…

She was useless. She _felt_ useless. No matter how much she tried to fight back the feeling, to move past it, she couldn’t.

She told AJ that the others could help him with his trauma but, she couldn’t say the same for herself.

After all, whenever they caught a glimpse of her true feelings, whenever she let something slip, they would either silently stare in worry, or look uncomfortable about it. No one knew the right thing to say, not even Violet when they talked the other day.

Clem just felt stupid telling her about it. Of course everyone had nightmares of the people they lost, of course everyone suffered from survivor’s guilt.

What made _her_ any special?

Her feelings were a joke and they always made her feel ashamed.

She rubbed her temples, and let out a longer sigh this time, before moving the last box of supplies. They didn’t have many to begin with, so it was like they gave her this job as an afterthought, or out of pity.

She couldn’t decide which one was worst.

“Hey rotten fruit.” Minerva walked towards her, and the girl in the hat just rolled her eyes.

“Hey, asshole.” She said back, before cleaning the dust off her clothes, or at least tried to. “What brings you here?”

“I came to check on you, and I was bored.” Minerva shrugged, while Clem just glared.

“So, what? I’m supposed to entertain you?”

“Basically, yeah.”

“I have a good idea Minerva, and it includes a knife.”

“Kinky.” Minnie smirked, while Clementine just groaned. Her expression then turned serious, as she furrowed her eyebrows. “What’s wrong? You’re too grumpy today.”

“I keep redoing the same thing, over and over again.” Clementine said, feeling so frustrated, she through her hands around as she talked. “It’s like no one trusts me to do anything with this injury.”

“It is a bad injury.”

“I’ve had worse.” She answered, then sighed. “I just feel useless, I guess.”

“Well, you are sort of useless right now.” Minerva shrugged, and casually pointed at her side. “At least for hunting and killing walkers, but you can help with the stuff that no one likes doing!” She shook her head, when this time she received a depressed look. “Look, I’ll say it how it is. You have to focus on healing, otherwise there is nothing you can do.”

“Yeah.” Clementine just said, and walked away.

She knew the redhead was trying to help in her own way but, somehow every word that anyone would say to her only made her feel worse.

It was as if her own brain was betraying her, turning any word’s meaning into a twisted and hurtful one.

She hated it, she really did.

But she was drowning, struggling, fighting.

Clementine wasn’t in water, so how come she was suffocating?

“Clem?” Clementine stopped, when she saw Violet before her. She didn’t even notice she was in the courtyard.

She was a lost cause these days.

…Or maybe she has always been one, just never had enough time to figure it out.

“Hey, Violet.” She said, forcing out a smile. The blonde looked at her in worry. “Do you need something?”

“Uh, yeah. I was wondering if you’re okay.” She said, and Clementine fought the urge to just walk away and avoid this whole conversation. “Look Clem, I know you want to go hunting, but you have to heal first.” She eyed the girl in the hat, who just looked away, crossing her arms. “You can talk to us about what’s wrong. You can’t keep asking to do impossible jobs to get away from talking.”

“I’m not doing that.” Clementine said firmly, and closed her eyes for a moment, giving herself a moment of peace, before opening them again. “I know that I’m acting distant, but it will go away soon. It always does.”

“You’re too distant, even AJ noticed.” Violet said, putting a hand on her arm, as if that would break the wall that was between them.

Clementine looked her hand.

_Don’t think about it. Just don’t think about it._

She took a deep breath, but the action was too hard, it took so much effort.

_The image of Lilly’s body dropping, lifeless. The last connection to that past, officially gone. There was nothing that could tie her back, nothing to take her back there._

_Not anymore._

“Everything is fine.” Clementine quickly said, and this time she quickly walked past the blonde.

She felt the tightness in her chest grow, and the fire in her throat burn.

Fear, panic, guilt… lots of guilt.

This wasn’t the first time that she would find herself on the verge of a panic attack. It was common, more common than she would like it to be.

She would suffocate in silence, anxiety building through her whole body, a ticking bomb waiting to go off at any second, but trying not to so that no one would be alarmed.

She couldn’t show any sign of weakness to AJ, not when he depended on her so much.

It’s not that Clementine found vulnerability to be weakness, it was just that she couldn’t allow herself to feel or show it, while someone was depending on her and trusting her with her life.

No one was trusting her with that anymore though, right?

Everyone was fine. AJ was fine. He had other people looking out for him. His trust circle grew from just the girl who raised him.

It was both reassuring and terrifying, to know that he wouldn’t need to depend on her that much anymore.

She shook her head again, trying her best to ignore everything, and focus on doing something.

She decided that maybe she could try and carve some weapons. Mitch used to do that, didn’t he?

…Before she failed to protect him.

_Stop._

She just couldn’t save anyone.

_Don’t think, just act._

She could only cause death, and she was great at doing so.

_Don’t feel, Clementine._

Lee? He could have survived, if not for her.

He could have been out there, somewhere. He could have been alive right now.

_But you shot him in the head, didn’t you? You made sure he wouldn’t be alive, even as a walker._

_If James was right, that means that Lee could have been around, that means he could have been with her, just not as a human anymore._

Clementine let out a frustrated yell, as she punched one of the walls, earning her a few surprised (and again, concerned) looks from everyone. She ignored them, and kept walking.

Louis walked over to Violet, sharing the same worry she was feeling. He crossed his arms, and glanced at the blonde.

“She’s not doing so well, Vi.” He said, disheartened by the self destructive behavior of the hat wearing girl.

“I know.” Violet sighed. “I can’t get her to talk about it. I can’t get her to do anything but glare or frown at me.”

“Do you think AJ can get her to talk?”

“I don’t know, but it’s worth a try.” Violet said, before turning to the young boy, drawing with Tenn.

“Hey, Vi!” Minerva walked towards them, bow in hand. She glanced at Aasim who was waiting for her by the gate, then looked back to her and Louis. “We’re going out to hunt.” She stated. “Any special recommendations?”

“Do you think you can find a chicken nugget?”

“Negative.”

“Then no.” Violet deadpanned. “Be careful.”

Minerva nodded, then walked towards the gate.

Vi and Louis headed to talk to AJ, but the boy seemed just as confused about his guardian’s behavior. Although, he knew one thing, and it was that it would be hard to get her out of her ‘shell’.

Aasim used the term the other day, and AJ still didn’t understand how Clem would have one, but decided to use the word anyway.

Violet just sighed, and headed towards the girl’s room, hoping to try again. She didn’t like the idea of her being on her own, shutting the world out.

Violet has done it when the twins were taken, and as much as she hated to admit it, if it weren’t for Louis nagging her all day long, she would have been in a much worse place by now.

All she could do was try to do the same for the girl she loved.

**-What the heart wants-**

Minerva walked through the forest, her eyes moving from a direction to another, making sure that she wouldn’t miss anything.

Aasim, meanwhile, kept his eyes on her, still feeling wary since the raiders took him.

She hasn’t been the most welcome, at least not when they tried to fight back.

The softness in her voice and eyes would change in the blink of his eye, and he would be met with ice cold glares, that sent chills down his entire body.

He rubbed his neck, trying to think of something else.

“I’m not going to shoot you in the head the moment you look away.” The girl startled him. She didn’t look at him, as she was still giving her full attention to the task.

Years ago, she used to mess around with Louis whenever they would hunt, mostly because she hated killing animals. She even hated killing _walkers_.

That was a long time ago.

Delta changed her. It hasn’t left that heart intact.

“What? No, I wasn’t think that.” He quickly answered, hoping that his nervousness didn’t slip through his voice.

It did.

“Sure.” She smirked, then suddenly turned to him, causing him to flinch and take a step back. Minerva gave him a knowing look, then started to walk again. “I don’t have a reason to attack or betray you, not anymore. I just want to be with whatever family I have left.”

Aasim stood dazed for a moment, before shaking his head and following her again.

“I know. I just can’t forget about-”

“Delta.”

“Yeah.”

“Me neither.”

The two fell back to silence.

They checked all of the safe zone, but found nothing worth eating. They decided to move past it, now that the issue has been talked about. They were told to avoid where the boat was, at least for a few more days, and to move just a little further into the forests.

“This is bad. We might need to check if anything survived the boat sooner than expected.” The writer said, feeling frustrated. It’s been this way for days, and they barely had food anymore. Winter was basically knocking on their door, and they had nothing to survive it.

“Let’s go now.” Minerva said, stopping him in his tracks.

“That’s insane! We can’t go on our own!” He protested, crossing his arms. He frowned when he noticed how he raised his voice, and hoped that no walkers heard him.

“Do we have much choice?” She argued. “We won’t have anything for today, or even for the week.” She reasoned, and sighed at his conflicted expression. “I’ll go on my own.”

“No.” He let out a long sigh, before taking a few steps forward, and standing beside her. “I’ll go with you.”

The two went further, killing some walkers along the way. Some of them, turned out to be raiders. It was enough reassurance that they wouldn’t come back for them, but to Minerva, it was both painful and satisfying to see.

Once they reached their destination, they found themselves face to face with a stranger.

**-What the heart wants-**

Violet took a deep breath, as she stood before Clementine’s door. She wasn’t sure what to say, or what to do, but she had to try something.

She has never been good with people, and everyone knew that.

She wasn’t fond of forcing people to talk about their problems either, considering she hated it when anyone did that to her.

It seemed like Clementine continued to bring out sides and choices that she never expected herself to make.

_“I love you, Violet._ ”

The words echoed in her ears, and she felt a light blush making its way to her face. She cursed under her breath, before slowly pushing the door open.

There she was, the girl occupying her thoughts. She was sitting on her bed, wistfully staring at the hat in her hands. She ran her thumb on the fabric repeatedly, cherishing it.

Her chest was rising and falling out of rhythm. She seemed to have a hard time breathing.

“Hey, Clem.” She said softly, making sure not to startle her.

“Hey.” Clementine said, still staring at the hat.

She made no attempts to kick her out, so the blonde slowly walked towards her, before sitting next to her. She looked at the hat, then at Clementine, as she contemplated what to say.

“You look cute without the hat.” She said, and only realized what words left her mouth when the other girl looked up in surprise. Violet considering jumping out the window and breaking a leg. She looked away, trying to think of a way to save herself from that last statement. “Why do you keep wearing it? You look cool with it, well, more like a dork but still cool. It’s just that it’s kind of weird, you know?”

Clementine let out a soft chuckle, though it still couldn’t reach her eyes.

“It’s the last thing I have from my parents. It used to be my dad’s.” She answered, and Violet looked down for a moment, then back to her. “I had it with me since the start.”

Violet placed her hand on hers, slowly wrapping around it and holding it firmly.

“They would be proud of you.” She said, and Clementine’s eyes widened as she turned to her. She then looked back at the hat, letting out a shaky breath. “I want you to trust me, Clem. You can talk to me, about everything. You don’t have to let it eat you up inside.”

“I wouldn’t know where to start.” Clem stated, tightening her grip on the hat. “I don’t want to relive it again.”

“I understand.” Violet said, before taking a deep breath, and when she let it out, she decided what to say. “I’m your girlfriend… and I’m here for you, okay? So, when you feel ready to talk, I’ll be here for you.”

Violet felt her heart skip a beat, and so did Clementine.

The two never confirmed their relationship, at least not after the boat incident, so for Violet to admit that… it hit them both like bricks, but at the same time, it lifted something off their shoulders, and suddenly, everything was lighter.

Before Clementine could respond, the two heard Willy calling for them from outside. The younger girl put back her hat, cursed under her breath for both the interruption, and the yelling that could attract walkers their way.

She looked at Violet, who seemed just as annoyed as she was.

The two headed towards the courtyard, and noticed that Aasim and Minerva were back, and the latter was pointing her crossbow at a woman.

Everyone seemed on edge, and kept their weapons near.

“Who is that?!” Violet rushed before Clem, and the girl in the hat frowned, as she couldn’t see the stranger yet.

AJ ran to her, taking her by the hand.

“AJ, what’s going on?” She asked, and squeezed his hand, appreciating the help he was offering her.

“Aasim and Minnie found this woman past the safe zone, so they brought her back as our prisoner.” He explained, and for once, he didn’t pull his gun out.

Perhaps he was too scared to use it, too scared to make the same mistakes again.

“You’re all kids…?” Clementine heard the stranger’s voice, and frowned.

“Just tell us who you are! Are you one of the raiders?” Louis asked, keeping his distance. He sounded nervous.

“I’ve never seen her before.” Minerva answered him.

Clementine felt the burning in her throat coming back, and her eyes started to water.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I was looking for food!” The woman said, irritated.

She couldn’t breathe… she couldn’t breathe…!

_Clementine watched as the girl pulled the trigger, and as his body fell._

_It only took one bullet for a light as bright as his to fade._

_It was her own gun._

“For the last time-” The woman started, only to trail off, as her eyes widened at Clementine. The latter stood before her, tears running down her face.

She couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t…

It hurt.

It hurt so much…

The burning wouldn’t stop.

The panic wouldn’t go away, and nothing… _nothing_ was under her control… her own body was failing her.

“Oh my God.” The woman brought a hand to her mouth, covering it in shock.

_She stood there, as she watched a pregnant Christa cry, holding Omid close to her chest. Her body was shaking as she sobbed. Her voice was broken._

_That day, Clementine watched the strong woman who took care of, break._

_Then Christa looked up to her._

_And the little girl kept repeating the same words in her mind._

“Clementine…?” Christa whispered in disbelief, and at this point, the girl was shaking so much that her friends started calling out for her.

_I killed him. It’s all my fault._

Clementine’s vision went black, as both Violet and AJ reached out to catch her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, a pep talk in a dream is all you need.

Clementine was drowning.

She was drowning, and out of breath. Her hand weakly moved forward, aiming for the light in the distance, wishing she could pull herself out of the water, but she couldn’t.

She turned her head slightly, finding herself face to face with Luke.

His eyes were empty, his skin had no color to it.

“Why did you let me drown, Clem?”

She closed her eyes, letting the darkness consume her for a moment, before opening them again. She was met with the same events going through her head, _every time_.

She was on her knees, covered in snow, shivering, as she stared right into Jane’s eyes. The woman stared back, lying in her own blood.

“ _Why did you let me die?”_

_“I thought we were friends, Clem._ ” A hand touched her shoulder, and she turned to the sight of Sarah. The child was covered in blood, missing chunks of her body. _“Why didn’t you save me?”_

_“That’s just what she does, kid.”_ Kenny walked towards her, carrying an arm… Sarita’s arm. _“She kills everyone around her.”_

Clementine couldn’t tear her gaze away, not even when she felt a knife penetrate her. She slowly looked down, seeing a blade coming out her chest. She slowly raised her hands towards it, and before they could touch it, the knife was taken off her back.

_“She stabs friends in the back. That’s_ ** _just_** **_what she_** **_does._** _”_ Clementine turned to see that her attacker was none other than Jane.

She opened her mouth to say something, but any words that could have come out of it, were replaced by blood. She stood up, pressing her hands tightly against the hole in her chest, but she could not stop the bleeding.

She took a few steps forward, and stopped for a moment, as she saw Christa walking towards her. The woman stopped, only a few inches away, before placing both her hands on her shoulder.

_“Why did you take everything away from me, Clementine?”_ She said, before pushing her backwards, and Clementine fell.

She fell and fell into darkness, finding herself drowning again. She closed her eyes, wishing she could cry, wishing she could do _anything_ , but she couldn’t escape it.

“Clem? Clem, snap out of it.”

That voice… It sounded so familiar…

“Come on kid, stay with me.”

She gasped, and opened her eyes, and for once, she wasn’t met with any of the people who haunted her nightmares, instead it was…

“Javi?” She looked at him, confused, before pulling herself up. She was in Richmond, lying on a bench, and he was staring down at her. “How… Why are you here?”

“Ask yourself, Clem. This is your dream.”

“Oh.” Helpful as always. She sighed, wondering why she had to dream of Javi of all people, wasn’t he alive? He was alive. So why was she seeing him? And why was he… poking her cheek. “Javi, what are you doing?”

“I’m poking you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re making that face again.”

“ _What_ face Javi?” She asked, and grabbed his hand, glaring at him.

“The one you pull when you’re overthinking, and trying to solve everything by yourself.” He said, before sitting beside her. “You can’t do everything on your own, Clem.” He said, smiling softly at her.

She looked away.

“I know that.” She stated, clenching the hands that she was resting on her lap.

“Then, why are you pushing everyone away?” He asked, and placed a hand on her shoulder, which made her look at him again. “I only survived this far, because I had my family with me. Guilt and trauma gets to us all, and we can’t always deal with them on our own.”

“I don’t know, Javi.” She shook her head, allowing a few tears to escape. “I’m _scared_.”

“It’s good to admit it, Clem. That’s the first step.” He gave her a supportive smile, before looking away, seeing Kate and Gabe waving at him. Clementine looked at them too, and she felt a smile make its way to her lips. “You can never forget those you lost, but you have to focus on the ones you still have.” He stated, as he started to stand up. Clem subconsciously reached for his arm, grabbing it. He looked at her in surprise, then smiled again. “It’s going to be okay, Clem. The people you lost? They don’t hate you. They want you to keep going, so you have to let them go, to let the guilt go.”

He slipped out of her hold, and walked towards his family. He then turned to her one last time.

“When you do that, come and visit us, okay? We miss you.”

Clementine gave him a weak smile, before looking down at her hands.

“You look tired, sweetpea.” She looked up in surprise, finding herself in Kenny’s trailer, sitting next to Lee. She blinked, and looked down again to make sure that she was indeed in her current age and form. She looked up confused.

She was usually a child whenever she had dreams about Lee.

“I am… I am tired, Lee.” She whispered, hugging him.

He smiled down at her, kissing her forehead. He wrapped his arm around her, allowing her to cling into him.

“Then sleep for a bit. I’ll be right here.” He said, in the loving and soft tone he always used with her. Sometimes she wondered if he only used it with her, if it was something reserved for just his sweet pea…

“You won’t… You’re dead.” She whimpered, burying her face in his chest.

“I’m always with you, Clementine.”

She shut her eyes tight.

“I love you, Lee.”

**-What the heart wants-**

“Is she going to be okay?” AJ asked, staring at his guardian.

Louis carried Clementine back to her room, as the others kept interrogating the stranger. Only AJ and Violet stayed by her side because of the situation at hand.

The boy was sitting on his own bed, while Violet was on the chair.

“She’s fine. She just overworked herself and, had a panic attack.” The blonde explained, sighing. She was both disappointed and worried. She could have helped her if it weren’t for this person showing up.

Not to mention that this person seemed to be connected to her.

The woman wanted to run towards the unconscious girl, but they wouldn’t let her. Everyone was protective of Clem.

“What’s a panic attack?” He asked, and Violet’s eyes widened.

“Uh… That’s hard to explain buddy, why don’t you ask Ruby?” She said, trying to escape this. She was not the best at explaining things, hell, she wasn’t the best at anything, yet here she was.

Well, she was the best at being sarcastic, but that’s another story.

“Does this happen often?” She asked, wondering if those panic attacks weren’t as recent as everyone thought.

“It happens, sometimes, but she never fainted before.” He frowned. “She can’t breathe sometimes, and she starts shaking, so I have to hold her hand until she gets better. That’s what you call a panic attack?”

“More or less.” She said, staring at the girl again. “She’s so stubborn, it drives me crazy sometimes…”

“Yeah I know.” AJ said, giving her a knowing look, to which she squinted at.

“You know?”

“Everyone talks about how Clem drives you crazy,  but not like, mad crazy, but more… love crazy?” He tried to explain. “That’s what they told me.”

“Oh.My.God.”

“Louis said that ‘if you had a picture of Clem, you’d put it under your pillow and stare at it every night and cry like the useless lesbian you are’? I’m not sure what that means but he said that.”

“Louis better fucking shut up before I cut off his tongue.”

“But, I don’t know why he said that.” AJ said, innocently. He smiled at Violet, and whatever anger she felt, disappeared in an instant. “I don’t think you’re useless. You’re like, the coolest.”

“Thanks, AJ.” She said, smiling softly at him.

She still needed to kick Louis’ non existent ass though.

“I see you two are bonding.” They both turned in surprise, to see Clementine awake, and slowly pushing herself up. The two quickly ran towards her, helping her sit, each one of her hands. She smiled at them both. “I’m fine.”

“Clementine, you don’t just faint out of nowhere then tell us you’re fine.” The blonde glared, and the brunette quickly avoided her gaze, feeling guilty for causing them trouble again.

“Clem, do you want some water?” AJ asked his guardian, and she rested her hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile.

“I’m fine, kiddo.” She repeated, before letting out a long sigh. “So, the woman I saw… that wasn’t me having another nightmare, was it?” She asked, and Violet looked at her in worry.

Another nightmare?

“No, she is here. Clem, this better not be another child snatching asshole.” She answered, and while her words made the other girl flinch, she was right to worry. The last person that had a connection to her got her friends killed.

“No, at least, I don’t think so. I haven’t seen her since… The last time I saw her was right before I met your parents, AJ.” She said, wincing at the memories. They were good people, broken, crippled by fear, but good people nonetheless. “We… before Lee died, he entrusted me to them, and they took care of me for a while. We were happy, well, Omid made sure we were.”

“Omid?” Violet asked, holding her hand. She had a feeling this wasn’t a happy memory, after seeing the painful expression the girl made at the mention of his name.

“He was my favorite, always cracked jokes, even during tense situations. He was a delight to be around, maybe that’s why I like Louis so much, he reminds me of him.” She smiled for a moment, and Violet returned it, already liking this guy, but that didn’t last as Clem let out a shaky breath and looked away. “A girl tried to rob me, and she took my gun from my bag and started waving it around, and I saw Omid slowly approaching from behind, but the door closed and the girl turned around and… she shot him… I killed him.” She whispered the last part, and closed her eyes shut, refusing to let any tears out.

Silent fell on the three, and the young boy looked at her for a moment, before hugging her.

“It wasn’t your fault, Clem.” He said.

“Christa probably thinks it is.” She said, resting her arm around him. “They were a happy couple, and they expected a child, and I took that away from them… She took care of me for almost two years, but things were different. She was cold, and nothing like she used to be.”

“Then why did she take care of you for so long?” The blonde asked, tightening her grip on her hand.

“Because she’s a good person.” She sighed, her eyes darkening for a moment. “But so was Lilly, a long time ago…”

She stood up, letting go of them, and reached for the hat sitting on the desk, then stopped.

That girl, when she was robbing her, she asked for the hat.

And Clementine refused. Would have things gone differently if she-

“Clem?” She turned to AJ, who was looked at her with a conflicted expression. He looked down for a moment, contemplating what to say, struggling to form his thoughts into words. He was just a kid after all. “You always tell me to be strong, and to be brave.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“But I can’t always be brave and strong. And… you can’t either. You always have nightmares and, you have panic… attacks? You get scared too and that’s okay.” He said, and both girls looked at him in surprise, one because of the mention of nightmares, the other because of the meaning behind those words. “You’re just a kid, like me. If you’re scared to do this, I’ll hold your hand and go with you, just like you let me sleep in your bed.”

Violet looked between the two, and grinned. The bond between them was something that always warmed her heart, and while AJ was just a kid, and he struggled to understand a lot of things, he understood her the best.

Clementine smiled, and put her hat on. “I would feel better if you came with me.” He took her hand, and looked up to her, as she gave him a squeeze. “Can you wait for me outside for a moment? I want to talk to Violet.”

The blonde looked surprised, and watched as AJ nodded and left the room. She stood up, wondering what Clementine needed her for.

Clementine looked at her for a moment, seeming thoughtful.

“You okay?” Violet asked.

“I’m sorry, Violet, for pushing you away.” She finally said, and looked down at her girlfriend’s hands, hesitating for a moment, before taking them in hers. She made sure her grip was weak, so that she could pull away. “I trust you. You know that, right?”

“I know, Clem.” Violet said. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me everything.”

“I don’t ever want to talk about the past, but…” She chuckled, surprising her. “A friend told me that I can’t deal with everything on my own.”

It was funny how things work out.

Back when she thought she lost AJ, she lost all hope with him. She woke up every day, with no reason to fight. She had no reason to go on, and at times, she was reckless to the point of being suicidal.

Then, she met Javi and his family.

They gave her hope again. They made it through everything, and they worked together through the highs and lows.

She could still remember their smiles as she walked away.

And now, they came back to her and pulled her out of her nightmare.

“I don’t know where to start, or how. I’m not good at opening up, and I’m… I’m scared of reliving the past, but I feel like I’ve been losing myself ever since I met Lilly and…” She took a deep breath. “I need you. I need every one of you. I can’t do this alone.” She finally confessed, and it was one of the scariest things she has ever done.

It was also one of the most relieving moments of her life.

Violet’s expression softened, and her heart ached at the vulnerability that her girlfriend was showing her.

“Can I kiss you?” She asked, and panic took over. She wasn’t supposed to say that, it wasn’t the right thing to say to her, so why was she being an idiot?

Violet wished she could stop being so in love for at least minute.

Clementine’s eyes widened, and she looked away for a moment, bashful. She was thinking the same, but considering that things between them were still patching up, she didn’t think it would be appropriate to kiss her.

She couldn’t form any words, so when her eyes moved back to Violet’s, she leaned forward, locking their lips together.

It was a short kiss, but in that moment, it was all they needed.

When they pulled away, they were both smiling, and Violet wished with all her heart, to be able to say those three words to her, to watch her face lit up as she hears them.

“You’re doing it again.” They both turned to the door, to find AJ giggling as he watched the exchange.

“AJ!”

**-What the heart wants-**

“I was just looking for food.” Christa said, shaking her head as Minerva ignored her. “Look, I’ll just go away, and won’t come back again.”

She was met with a glare.

The kids tied her to a chair in the basement, and they let the redhead guard her, considering she was used to keeping prisoners.

It was a bitter reminder, and she wanted to start a fight, but decided against it.

“Is Clementine okay?” The woman asked, making sure her worry was visible.

The redhead just growled.

Fortunately, she no longer needed to resist the urge to put an arrow between her eyes, now that she heard someone coming down.

It was Clementine and AJ.

The girl in the hat slowly walked towards them, and to an outside, she would look confident and unfazed, but to Minerva, someone who has spent some time with her, she noticed that something was off.

“Minnie, you can go. AJ and I will take it from here.” She said, and the redhead gave her a disapproving look.

“Just so you can faint again? No thanks. I can keep guard while you do whatever you want.”

“I won’t faint, and AJ is with me, so if anything happens he will take matters in his hand.” Clem tried to reason, while the boy nodded with confidence.

“What the fuck? He’s a kid!” Minerva shook her head. “I’ll keep guard in case anything happens, so stop being a fucking idiot-”

“This isn’t Delta, Minerva!” Clementine raised her voice, feeling frustrated. “You don’t have to do this and you don’t have to feel like it’s your job.”

The redhead glared at her, before taking a few steps back. She still refused to leave.

“That’s exactly why I need to make sure what happened to Delta, doesn’t happen here, _Clementine_.”

Clementine sighed, rubbing her temples. She took her knife, startling Christa, who wasn’t sure what to make of the exchange. The woman kept her cool, and decided to remain silent. Her expression hardened, and Clem could see that the strong survivor side of her was still intact.

She cut her ropes, to Minerva’s dismay.

“Oh, what the fuck…”

“Minnie.”

“If she touches you, I’m putting this arrow in her head.” Clementine rolled her eyes.

She took a step back, sitting on another chair. She didn’t like the idea of standing too long with that wound still healing.

She took a deep breath, and AJ gave her a nod.

“Hey, Christa.” She finally spoke, and brought herself to look at the woman. She couldn’t read her expression, and it was making her anxious. “I never thought I would see you again.”

Christa remained silent for a moment, her eyes wandering from clem’s hat to her feet, letting her current appearance sink in.

“Still wearing that old rusty hat, huh?” She said, giving her a small smile.

Her tone was a contrast to the one she has heard many years ago, different to that cold and broken voice.

Her tone carried years of loneliness and pain, and tragedy, but it also carried a hint of warmth.

“I thought I lost you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wanted to write the conversation with Christa as well, but that would take forever, and this felt like a good place to end this chapter.  
> If anyone is confused over javi talking sense into clem, it's because even though talking to Lee makes her feel better, she can't find relief in doing so right now, because she would feel the guilt of him getting bit. The last time she saw Javi, he was alive, and she takes comfort in that fact.


	8. Chapter 8

Minerva anxiously tapped her foot against the floor. She made sure she wasn’t loud enough to make Clementine break her neck, even though she could take her, who would lose to a gremlin anyway?

She wasn’t comfortable with the fact that their prisoner was now untied, and free to do whatever she wanted. Clementine might be tough, but there wasn’t much she could do while still recovering.

AJ is a good shot, but he’s still a child. The woman could take him down easily, depending on how fast she was.

She wasn’t going to let that happen.

She tried to block out the conversation happening before her. It was like back on the boat with Lilly, when she would talk to the prisoners, when she would talk about things that didn’t concern her. Minerva made sure not to listen unless her name was brought up.

She didn’t like getting involved, she especially didn’t like hearing that woman’s voice, not after she perfectly set up Sophie’s murder.

Sighing, she kept her eyes focused on Clementine.

That girl, she was too stubborn, just like… just like Sophie was.

“You’ve grown so much.” Christa said, still in awe at the sight of the child she lost many years ago. She figured she wouldn’t survive long. She knew that the girl was strong, and that she wasn’t easy to break.

She saw how mature and strong she could be.

She could still remember the nights she cried over Lee and… and Omid, until she stopped completely.

She never expected to find out she survived for so many years though.

“Well, not much.” Clementine chuckled. “I’m still really short.” That made Christa smile.

“Where have you been?” The woman asked, curious to what happened prior to their separation.

“I met another group, after we got separated. I got bit by a hungry dog and, uncle Pete and Luke found me and saved me, though when they brought me back to their group, everyone freaked out and thought it was a walker bite.” Clementine started explaining, then winced at the next part. “They locked me in a shed just to be sure.”

“They didn’t treat you?” Christa asked, visibly mad.

“I had to steal some stuff, and sewed up my arm myself, just like you taught me.” Her hand reached to her sleeves, hesitating for a moment, before showing her the scar. “They were nice people, but they escaped from this… fucked up asshole, Carver.” She spoke his name with as much venom as she could. She could never forget what he’s done, she could never forget him destroying Kenny’s eye with that walkie talkie, nor could she forget the sight of Alvin tied up to that chair.

That poor man, he deserved better, and he deserved to see his child.

“Is this the group my parents were in?” AJ asked, and Clementine nodded with a sad smile.

She then turned to Christa, realizing that she hasn’t properly met AJ yet.

“This is AJ, Alvin Junior. His parents were in that group.” She then sighed. “They didn’t make it… everyone from that group died, and I was the only survivor. They even had another kid with them, she was a bit older than me, but she… couldn’t function in a world like this.

“God…”

“Yeah… His mom died shortly after giving birth. Since then, we… other people we met stole what we had and ran away, so it was just me, Kenny, and Jane… then it was just me and Kenny…” Clementine closed her eyes, and no matter what, she couldn’t escape the guilt of what happened to Jane.

She didn’t have to die.

“Kenny?” Christa asked, letting out a gasp. “Are you talking about the same Kenny?”

“Yeah, turns out he survived.” Clementine confirmed. “I don’t know how, but he made it out. He hasn’t been stable after what happened to his family, nor what happened with  _ Carver,  _ but he protected me and AJ for years, until he died too…”

“You were on your own after that, with a kid?” AJ crossed his arms.

“I’m not a kid.”

“Yeah, we got separated for a while, but that’s a whole other story, but then I found him again.” Clementine said, ignoring his protest. “It’s been just me and AJ, until we found this group.”

Christa remained silent for a moment, letting all of that information sink in. She glanced at AJ, and wondered if her child would have been his height if he was alive.

A pang of pain made its way to her chest, but she shrugged it off, letting a warm feeling set in, at the sight of the two.

“I’m sorry, Clementine. I looked for you, for the longest time and eventually, I came to the realization that you were dead. Yet here you are, alive, and raising a child when you’re still one yourself.” She said, taking a deep breath. “Lee and… Omid would have been proud of you. I know I am.”

The girl in the hat inhaled, not wanting to show her tears again.

“Christa I… I’m so sorry about Omid-”

“Stop. We’ve been through this.” She sighed. “I know I’ve been cold since then but, it wasn’t your fault Clem.” She said, in a final tone that made it clear that the girl couldn’t argue with her.

It brought her some relief, to hear her say it.

“So… I haven’t seen any adults here. Who’s in charge?”

“Oh, that would be Violet.”

“Aren’t you technically in charge too?” Minerva finally spoke again, startling her.

“Fuck… Minerva, you’re still here?!”

“No, I’m just a fragment of your imagination, idiot.” The redhead answered, rolling her eyes. “Of fucking course I’m still here, what am I supposed to tell your girlfriend if you get murdered because I left your reckless ass alone?”

“Hey!”

“Wait,  _ girlfriend _ ?” Christa asked, giving them both a confused look.

Clementine’s heart dropped, as she sent a smirking Minerva a glare. Not only did she just get one of her lost guardians back, but now she had to introduce her to her girlfriend?

That’s somehow scarier than walkers.

**-What the heart wants-**

Violet stood in frozen in the courtyard, with Louis by her side. Clementine had just told them the news, and while the blonde seemed unfazed, the two could tell she was panicking.

“So, introducing your girlfriend to your old guardian, huh?” Louis chuckled, ignoring the glares he was receiving. “I never thought I’d witness this in the apocalypse.”

“Fuck off.” Violet said, and Clementine sighed, looking nervous.

“I’m sorry, Violet. Minerva just mentioned you and, I didn’t know what to tell her.” Clementine started, and took a moment to think. “If you’re uncomfortable, I could come up with an excuse.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Violet quickly said, not wanting to see her girlfriend upset again. She didn’t know how to feel about the whole situation, and the fact that Clem was nervous herself, was making the blonde wonder if this was a good idea.

Louis noticed what a mess the two were, so he decided to take matters into his own hand.

“Well, how about we introduce her to the others first? We can ease up to your meeting.” He suggested, and the two girls looked to him in surprise.

“Louis, you’re a genius.” Clementine said, sighing in relief.

“I get called that a lot.” He said, and a glint appeared in his eyes. Clem raised an eyebrow, while Violet sighed deeply, knowing what he was about to say.

“What, genius?”

“No, Louis.” He grinned as the girl in the hat playfully smacked his arm, calling him an idiot.

“Clem?” Violet started, looking troubled, but the two could tell that it wasn’t about the introduction, but something more serious. Clementine gave her a questioning yet warm look, silently encouraging her to voice her thoughts. “Are you thinking about keeping her around? I mean, I know she’s an old friend, but everyone knows Lilly was your friend too, and it’s not that they don’t trust your judgment, they’re just… still scared and wary.” She explained her point, wincing at how poorly that came out.

“I know… I’d honestly like it if she could stay, but for now we’ll have to keep an eye on her, just in case.” Clementine said, her shoulders moving downwards, as she thought back to Lilly, to who she thought was her last connection to the past.

Violet gave her a reassuring smile, and she was about to return it if it weren’t for the fact that Louis threw his arm around her, almost forgetting about the wound in her side. Fortunately, it didn’t hurt.

“So, Clem! How about you introduce me first? I bet she would love my charms.”

He almost wet his pants when he saw her.

If you ask any of the kids? Their first reaction of meeting the woman again face to face, is that she was  _ intimidating _ . She had this emotionless expression at first that could send chills down anyone’s spine.

Watching her from a distance, Violet had a good idea on why Clementine looked nervous.

The woman’s features however, were quick to warm up. She took an immediate liking to Louis, probably because of his humor. Clementine did mention that her boyfriend used to joke all the time.

She and Aasim had a civil introduction, there wasn’t more to it than a few exchanges of words and unsure stares. Although, the woman’s eyes seemed to light up for a moment at the mention of his ‘history’ book.

Ruby and Omar were polite, and the woman seemed to like them right away.

James? He introduced himself before awkward looking at Clementine, silently pleading for her help. Violet thought her ‘people’ skills were bad, but James? He was a lot worse.

Willy… He just ran away the moment he saw her.

“You know, you should stop hiding up here and just talk to her.” Violet  _ almost _ screeched and fell off the bell tower because she was not expecting  _ anyone _ and she definitely didn’t hear anyone climbing. “It’s just me, don’t go and fall off to your death.”

She turned to see Minerva, and took a moment to compose herself, before glaring at her.

“Minerva, what the fuck?” Violet questioned, shaking her head when the redhead just shrugged.

“What, did I scare you?”

“No.”

“Aww, it’s okay Vi.”

“Fuck off.”

“Next time, I’ll come creeping from behind and singing like those batshit villains in horror movies.” Minerva laughed at the idea, while the blonde just rolled her eyes and turned back to watching everyone. The redhead walked towards her, taking a spot next to her.

The two stood there for a moment, not talking to each other. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, quite the opposite actually. They still cared deeply about each other, and despite how much they’ve changed as people, there was still a mutual understanding.

Minerva glanced at her for a moment, before looking back at the rest of the school.

“You know, I still can’t believe I’m here.” She stated, and Violet turned to her, surprised. “Everything still feels like a distant, dream. I’m here, I’m back, but Sophie? She’s gone, and it’s my fault.”

“Minnie… Those assholes made you do it.” Violet tried to reason, feeling her heart ache at the mention of Sophie. “Lilly messed with you head.”

She was a great friend, a ray of sunshine in such a dull world.

She was strong, and never wanted to give up… and that’s what led to her death.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I pulled the trigger.” She said, leaning forward and resting her hands on the wall. “I think every day about it, and if our positions were switched, would she be alright? Would she have moved on, or would she have helped you on that boat? Would she have tried to run away again only to be killed by Lilly or Dorian or…”

She sighed.

“Clementine, on the boat, she… she reminded me of her, and it pissed me off.” Minerva pulled away, crossing her arms. Violet just stared at her friend in concern. “All odds were against her.  _ You _ were against her.” Violet flinched, and looked away, still feeling guilty about it. “And she didn’t give up. Just how fucking stubborn can she be?”

The blonde looked at her girlfriend, who was currently talking to AJ.

She thought back to the boat, to how she fought her and tried to stop her. She thought back to when she couldn’t find her after the explosion.

She thought back to when she cried in Louis’ arms, at the realization that she  _ loved _ Clementine.

“What if that stubbornness gets her killed one day? Just like Sophie?” Minerva’s voice softened, and she sighed. “Fuck. Why am I getting so emotional over someone I tried to kill?”

“She has that effect on people.” Violet stated, ignoring the fear that consumed her heart at that comment. She almost died when they kicked her out, and she almost died trying to save them. She didn’t want to think of how it could go next time. “There’s something… many things about her, that just pull everyone towards her. For you, it’s her stubbornness and strong will that reminds you of Soph. To Lou, it was her strength and kindness.”

“And to you?” Minerva asked, and Violet looked at Clementine again.

Violet didn’t answer.

She could say that it was because Clementine listened to her talk about Minnie and Sophie, how she was kind to her, or how she understood her pain and helped her reconcile with Brody.

She could talk about Clem’s sense of justice, and how she stood up to Marlon, exposing the truth to them. How she stayed after AJ recovered, so she could help them, and show them how to fight back.

How she helped Ruby bury Mrs.Martin, even though she didn’t even know her.

How she came back for her.

“Everything.” She finally answered.

**-What the heart wants-**

Clementine sat at one of the tables, with Christa beside her. The woman was staring at everyone, letting everything that she has seen sink in.

A shelter for kids, with no adults.

Perhaps that was why they survived for so long. Christa knew that she would trust kids over adults. She has survived for years, and she knew what people were capable of.

Backstabbing, killing, stealing…

This? It was reassuring.

“So, you managed to lead them, and rescue them?” She asked, and Clementine nodded. “That explains why they they acted like that when they saw me.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”

“I’m still alive.” Christa stated, understanding where they were coming from. She wasn’t mad. She found Clementine after all. “So, when am I going to meet your girlfriend?”

“Oh, uh…” Clem tensed, trying to save herself from this awkward situation.

“I’m here.” They both turned to see Violet walking towards them. While the girl in the hat was surprised, she couldn’t help but relax at the sight of her girlfriend. She smiled softly, as the blonde shook Christa’s hand. “I’m Violet, nice to meet you. And uh, sorry about how we treated you.”

“I’m Christa.” She answered, giving her a small smile, not wanting to scare her off...yet. “Given the circumstances, I guess I can’t blame you.”

“Uh, yeah…” Violet muttered, and she could swear she saw Minerva and Louis in the distance, laughing. It took her all of her self control to not glare at them. “Clem told me you wanted to meet me.”

“That’s right.” Christa said, before glancing at Clem, who was looking at everything but her. “I have to admit, it’s strange that the small child who used to follow me around has a  _ girlfriend _ .”

“ _ Christa! _ ”

“We have to come up with some rules now, we need to talk about a  _ lot _ of things now that you’re all grown up-”

“CHRISTA!” Clem half yelled, half whispered, before looking away embarrassed, as the woman chuckled at her reaction.

“I’m just messing with you.” She said, sighing as she turned to Violet. “Thank you for taking care of Clementine. It’s hard to find people you can trust or care about in this age.”

“I… think it’s the other way around. Clem protected us, and risked her life for us.” The blonde nervously rubbed her arm, trying to look unfazed by the woman. Something about her, even while smiling, was still intimidating. Perhaps it was Violet’s general dislike towards adult that made her feel that way. “She has done so much for us, and we…  _ I _ ’m lucky to have her.” She admitted with a sincere smile, and Clem’s eyes widened in surprise, before she smiled.

Christa looked between the two for a moment, then her eyes settled on Violet again. “Then I think she is in good hands.” She said, then smirked. “Although, you should know that the girl you’re dating licked a saltlick once.”

Clementine’s eyes widened.

“Christa, what… what are you talking about?” She faked confusion, but the woman saw through her.

“Lee told me.”

“Damn it.”

“Language, Clem.”

“...Darn it.”

Violet was trying so hard not to laugh.

Christa shook her head, and said something about wanting to see AJ. Clementine nodded, allowing her to walk away, knowing that the kids were around and would keep watch in case anything happened.

She had a feeling it would be okay though. Clementine had good intuitions, and she could tell which people to trust, or which ones were bad, at least most of the time.

Violet stood from her spot, and sat next to her, almost bumping shoulders.

“You look happy.” She said, intertwining their fingers together. Clementine looked at her, than at the other kids.

“I… guess I am.” She said, before resting her head on Violet’s shoulder, content.

Violet smirked.

“So, you licked a saltlick?”

Clementine remained silent for a good moment.

“I don’t know.”

“No wonder you taste so salty whenever I kiss you-”

“Shut up.” Clem pouted and refused to look at her, and Violet just laughed as she pulled her closer.

The gap between them was starting to fade, and Violet was allowing herself to be happy again around Clem.

Soon, she would be able to say those three words to her, and until then, she will show  her how much she meant to her.

How she meant the  _ world _ to her.


End file.
